


Catharsis

by JustAnotherAss_mann



Category: The 100 (TV)
Genre: Alternate Universe - Coffee Shops & Cafés, Alternate Universe - College/University, Alternate Universe - Modern Setting, Alternate Universe - Tumblr, Anonymity, Clexa, Comfort/Angst, F/F, Other tags may be added as the story progress, Texting
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2016-04-02
Updated: 2017-07-26
Packaged: 2018-05-30 19:52:48
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 13
Words: 39,423
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/6438016
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/JustAnotherAss_mann/pseuds/JustAnotherAss_mann
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Clarke and Lexa found a way to cope with life and deal with their emotions: catharsis.</p><p>Or</p><p>The Tumblr slash College slash Coffee Shop AU, in which Lexa is a fanfiction writer and Clarke feels inspired to create some fan art by one of her stories.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> Heeeey. I had the idea for a Tumblr/Texting AU a while ago and decide to give it a go as Clexa. I hope you like the idea, I'm very excited to keep writing it.
> 
> (Also, English isn't my first language and I don't have a beta for this story, so forgive any mistakes - I'm sure this chapter is full of them! I promise to improve for the next ones.)

For Clarke, drawing is about feeling.

After her first sleepover with Octavia and Raven the certainty that she had found her best friends for life was such that when they drifted into sleep she sneaked out of her bed and took a sit on front of her pink and white study desk, turning on her lamp and reaching for some crayons, which promptly started to scrabble on a piece of paper.

When Wells and she got mugged and the cold blade wielded by one of the burglars met the soft skin of his neck, the uncountable dark, rough drafts that ended pilled on any available surface of her room and of his hospital room were what kept her strong – and helped her to start to breath normally again, after not so sporadic and really vivid nightmares.

Dealing with her father’s death became a doable thing only after she yielded to her mother’s craves and decided to start to draw again, after almost a year of bad grades and even worse habits.

Pressing a large piece of charcoal on a sketchbook was her way to deal with the mess that meeting Finn Collins brought into her life – and into her friendship with Raven as well. And when her best friend finally started to talk to her again and the things started to go back to normal, she promptly searched for her colored pencils.

She stared at uncountable pictures of Polis University before starting to draw it, hoping it would help her not to fear so much this new phase of her life.

Because drawing is her way to deal with her emotions and feelings, whether good or bad.

_Drawing is her way to cope with life._

…

For Lexa, writing is about feeling.

The first thing she really loved in her life was a yellow journal with pink flowers, given to her by her mother a few weeks before the car crash that caused the death of both of her parents. It remained into her backpack, all its pages full of scrawled words – she remembers retracting them when she noticed its last empty page was close, and all the tears she shredded when she reached it - until the day one of the boys of the orphanage she lived in grabbed it from her hands, ripping it in pieces and causing _her_ a punishment – she never regretted giving him a black eye, though.

When her uncle Gustus found her, 5 years after the death of her parents, thin and sad, the severe woman who ran the orphanage gave her time to pack her backpack before ushering her to the front door, where the tall man waited for her with a hesitant smile on his lips. Two days later she went on a shopping trip with Gustus and Nikko, his husband, and Anya, their daughter, because she didn’t had clothes to wear – her twelve year-old self decided that clothes were easier to replace than memories and her backpack ended full of rotten journals.

Creative Writing classes were her favorite in High School, and her counselor was soon to notice that writing stories and making her characters go through certain things she went through during her life herself was a good way to exorcize some demons – even better than just writing her thoughts and feelings down.

She wrote her first sonnet the day she saw Costia for the first time. And she spent the first months of their relationship leaving her adorable – even if too cheesy – handwritten notes.

A letter was her last form of contact with her ex-girlfriend. She sent it despite some words being illegible due to the shakiness of her hand. The weight that lifted from her chest when she finished the letter was worth the shame of losing composure.

She always sends cards to Anya on her birthdays, telling her she loves her with all her strength. Because she can’t bring herself to say such things, but writing them feels more than enough.

When the fear of leaving her uncle’s place and starting a new chapter of her life became too much – even knowing Anya would be a huge part of it - she wrote on uncountable pages of her leather journal, hopping it would help to placate her thumping heart.

Because writing is her way to deal with her emotions and feelings, whether good or bad.

_Writing is her way to cope with life._

…

The door slams open when Octavia storms into the room, plopping on her bed and making the mattress shift under then. Clarke sighs, removing her earphones and rolling into her back before propelling herself on her elbows and glaring at her friend.

She wonders if Raven, who picked the shorter match and had to find a roommate, wasn’t the real winner between them.

“O, your bed is right there.” She sighs at the grin on her friend’s face, sitting up carefully. “Why do you insist on bringing your stink ass to mine?”

The grin on Octavia’s lips grows bigger and she winks before bringing her feet to the bed, but before her shoes can touch the sheets Clarke groans and slaps them away, to Octavia’s amusement.

“Because it annoys you.” She winks before removing her sneakers and sitting up, leaning forward and intending to kiss Clarke’s cheek. But the draw catches her attention and she points at it. “Hey, this is beautiful.” She glances quickly at her friend before focusing on the charcoal drawing, her eyes slightly widened. “Who are these ladies?” Clarke can anticipate all the things she will hear when she finally gives in and answer the question so she pushes Octavia out of the bed, trying to buy herself some extra time – and hide her red cheeks as well. The brunette glares at her before kneeling next to the bed, eyeing the drawing funnily. “Heeeeey! They are those lady lovers, right? From that TV show you are obsessed with?”

“ _Were_.” She points a finger at her friend, a serious expression on her face. “I _was_ obsessed with that shitty thing, O. Now I’m just finding ways to cope with all the stuff it left me feeling.”

Octavia’s eyebrows arch before she reaches for the edge of the bed, pressing her hand against it and standing up.

“I thought you were already doing that. I mean, the amount of time you’ve been expending ragging against the machine on Tumblr or reading fanfiction on that other website is unbelievable.”

She ignores Octavia’s pointed look, grabbing her sketchbook and bringing it closer to her eyes, shrugging.

“It wasn’t enough.” She blushes, her eyes still glued to the piece of art on her hands. “And I’ve been feeling really inspired lately.”

A smirk appears on Octavia’s lips and she leans forward to poke Clarke’s stomach.

“Is the shitty TV show inspiring you, Clarkey?”

She shakes her head slowly, biting the corner of her bottom lip absentmindedly before shrugging.

“Something I read inspired me to draw. So I did it.”

Octavia’s smirk gets bigger and her eyes are sparkling when she turns to her bed, already tucking her hand into her back pocket.

“I can’t even imagine how wide Raven’s eyes will go when she hears you’ve been drawing fan art inspired by fanfics.” A groan leaves Clarke’s lips and Octavia giggles, typing fast on her phone. “Is this drawing based on your fave one, C.?”

Clarke groans one more time before leaving the bed and placing the draft over her desk, carefully avoiding the coffee stains.

“I don’t have a favorite one.”

“Bullshit.” Octavia throws the phone on her bed before turning to face Clarke. “You’ve been babbling about the _masterpiece_ created by the _amazing_ mysterious writer for almost two months now. It _must to be_ your fave.”

Clarke shrugs again, a shy smile on her lips.

“The story is good, okay? This person knows how to write and how to convey emotion.” She lets her index finger trace the dark contours of the drawing very lightly, her eyes back on it. “They make me feel things, O.”

Octavia nods, taking a seat on her bed.

“And when you feel things you draw.” Clarke nods too, still staring at the piece of paper in front of her, and Octavia smiles widely. “And despite your lameness, the drawing is amazing. You should send it to your muse. Or to its Viktor Frankenstein.”

Clarke’s eyes lock with her in a split second, and she shakes her head franticly when she notices Octavia is serious about it.

“No way.”

Octavia snorts, shaking her head too, the playful look still on her eyes.

“You got such a crush on this mysterious writer.”

“I don-“

“I know you since we were seven, Clarke. I know how you act when you have a crush.”

Clarke sighs, walking back to her bed and taking a seat on the middle of it, her legs crossed Indian style.

“But, hm, can you blame me? They are so talented and smart. I mean, their answers are always the best and their post about diversity, media representation and erasure was –“

“The best thing you have ever read about the matter, I know.” Octavia reaches for her phone when it vibrates, unlocking it without even glancing at the screen. “And that’s the reason you should send it to them. Think about a gift to someone who has been doing you feel so many things without even knowing you exist.” She peeks at the phone on her hands, a smile growing on her lips. “Oh, and –“ she raises her head, looking at Clarke again “- prepare yourself. Raven is really amused by the _fan art based on fanfiction_ thing.”

Clarke groans again, facepalming herself.

“You will be the death of me, Blake.”

…

“Would you mind ungluing your eyes from your laptop for a sec, Lex? I kind of need your help here.” She stares at her cousin, who is staring attentively at the screen, a chewed pen taping rhythmically on her bottom lip and her right hand hovering over the keyboard. She sighs tiredly when she doesn’t receive any kind of reply. “For fuck’s sake, Alexandra. Are you even listening to me?”

Lexa’s eyes meet her a second later and she snorts loudly when she notices she wasn’t being heard. At all.

“Sorry Anya. Were you talking to me?”

She rolls her eyes hard, lifting the two hangers.

“I asked you which one I should wear tonight. But it was like a life time ago, right before I started to yell at you because you didn’t even listen to what I was saying in the first place.”

“Oh.” She closes the lid of her laptop hurriedly, smiling guilty at her cousin. “I’m sorry. I was rereading the ending of the story to check if it works well and I really didn’t hear you.”

Anya snorts before shaking the dresses on her hands and Lexa points at the black one without any kind of hesitation. Anya throws it on her bed before placing the red one over the back of a chair.

“Fine, I’ll wear this one then. You don’t deserve to help me to pick my outfit tonight.” She turns to her bed, leaning to take a look under it. “Not when you refused to go to the party with me in the first place.”

“I have to work, Anya.” She shrugs when she raises her head to glare at her. “Okay, I could ask Lincoln to cover it for me, but parties aren’t my thing. You know that.”

“Well –“ black high heels are on her hand when she stands up “- you should discover what your thing is, then. Other than being attached to the hip to this laptop and work until you’re too exhausted to function.” She turns, dropping the shoes on her bed and grabbing a towel. “Because your current things will not bring you new friends, Lexa. And you really could use some.”

She is out of the room after a few seconds and Lexa sighs before opening her laptop again.

…

“Hey.”

Lexa raises her head, smiling at Anya, who is entering the room and looking somewhat embarrassed.

“You’re looking good, An. Even in flip flops.”

A small smile forms on Anya’s lips and she closes the door behind her.

“I’m always looking good, Lex. Also –“ she places her dirty clothes on her bed, reaching for her high heels. “- I want to apologize. I was rude and mean a few minutes ago and –“

“No pro-“

“No, Lexa. It was a problem. I was rude and you didn’t deserve it. I know things weren’t easy in your first year here but I also know how hard you worked to get better and I’m really proud of you and of where you are right now.” She finishes shoeing the high heels, walking towards Lexa bed and taking a seat on its edge. “I just worry about you. I think you could use more friends. I think being more social would do you some good.”

“I have friends, Anya.”

“I don’t count, Lex.”

Lexa smiles at that, shaking her head.

“Your modesty amuses me.” Anya grins widely at that, slapping Lexa’s arm lightly and mumbling _asshole_. “I have friends other than you. I mean, I have Linc. And, hm, Wells?”

Anya rolls her eyes, standing up.

“He is your classmate and you share some notes. You can hardly call him a friend.”

Lexa shrugs, reaching for her nightstand and sipping her water.

“Well, it’s more than I do with the rest of the humankind, so I think I can.”

Anya grabs her clothes, throwing it into the laundry basket before reaching for her purse.

“Touché, Miss Smarty Pants.”

Lexa giggles lowly, glancing at her laptop one more time.

“Well, I think I’m done here.” She closes the lid, putting the laptop on her bed. “Let me change quickly so I can I’ll walk you to this party.”

“You don’t need to, Lexa. I can take care of myself.”

Lexa shrugs, already throwing a sweatshirt over her tank top.

“It’s on my way to the Coffee Shop.” She reaches for her phone, tucking it on her pocket before searching for her sneakers. “And you should do something about the wet towel lying on your bed if you want a dry surface to sleep on when you bring your drunk ass back home.”

…

Her shift is, as usual, an easy one. The few med students, nurses and doctors that are occupying some of the tables of Trikru are too tired to demand more than a few cups of pure and strong coffee from her, and her eyes are focused on the scrawled napkin in front of her.  

She mentally curses herself for not noticing the journal on her backpack was full, standing up to grab more napkins. But she stops in the middle of her action, her phone catching her attention.

It’s not that Tumblr’s notifications are a new thing to her. Since people discovered her story and fell in love with it the notifications became an usual thing. But this time she was being _mentioned_ , and that isn’t common – not like likes, reblogs or anonymous asks, anyway.

She unlocks the screen quickly, pressing a few times on it before glancing at the lobby to check if any customer needs her help. Her eyes widen as soon as they land on her phone again.

_This drawing is breathtaking._

She recognizes it as a scene from the latest chapter of her fic, and she is sure her eyes are widened, because it’s like the artist had found a way to read her mind and know exactly what she thought – _what she felt_ – when she wrote it.

And despite it being a black and white draft – a charcoal one, she thinks. She isn’t really familiarized with art and its terminologies – she can see all the colors behind it.

A few minutes pass before she manages to force her eyes from the drawing to the words under it.

> _Sooooooo…_
> 
> _I did a thing._
> 
> _I discovered this fic a couple of months ago, when I was completely in love with the show which must not be named. And I fell in love in the first words. @writtenbywoods’s writing is wonderful and inspires me._
> 
> _So I drew. And decided to share this with you._
> 
> _I know I usually don’t post drawings inspired by anything other than life and its occurrences here. But this time I felt the need._
> 
> _P.S.: thank you, mysterious writer, for making me feel things. And also for helping me to cope with the shit storm that surrounded us a few weeks ago. You’re a champ :)_

A small smile is on her lips when she finishes reading it. She clicks on the icon of drawninthesky’s tumblr, waiting impatiently for the app to open the page – and its images -, and when it finally happens she notices it is an art blog.

_A good one._

But before she has the chance to dive on its contents the door is opening and a huge group of people is walking towards the cashier and chatting animatedly.

Her trip into beauty will need to wait until Lincoln’s arrival.


	2. Chapter 2

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Let the messaging begin!

“For fuck’s sake, O. Shut the fuck up.”

Clarke groans when the loud laugh is the one reply to her outburst.

“Claaaaaaaaaaaaaaarkey, don’t pout.” She kisses her cheek, still smirking. “O kind of has a point. I mean, you have to admit that the _You’re a champ smiley face_ thing was lame.”

She pushes Raven off of her gently, sitting against the headboard.

“I was nervous, right? And sleepy.”

“Of course you were sleepy. You waited until the middle of the night to post the damn thing.” Clarke glares at Octavia, who smiles at her with a forced innocence. “But heeeeey, you did it, and we are very proud of you. Right, Rae?”

Raven nods promptly, pinching Clarke’s sock covered feet.

“Right. Well done, Princess.” She smirks widely. “And it could be worse. It could be a winking face.”

Clarke sticks her tongue out, her brow furrowed.

“I hate you two.”

Raven shakes her head, mumbling _no you don’t_ , and then points at Clarke’s phone.

“Did you hear something from them?”

“No.” She shrugs, glancing at the phone as well. “And I don’t know if I ever will. They seem very reserved and maybe I crossed several lines with that post.”

“You will.” They turn to Octavia, who shrugs after leaning forward and grabbing her snickers from the floor. “You’ve been telling us good things about this mysterious person for a while now. They may be reserved, but they don’t seem rude. And ignoring such a cool thing would be plain rude.”

Raven tilts her head, as if thinking about Octavia’s words. Then she nods twice.

“O is right. From the answers you’ve been reading to us they seem to be very kind.” She removes her legs from under her body, moving to the edge of the bed. “Straight out a classic from the 30s, but kind.”

Octavia giggles, standing up.

“Yes, the very polite mysterious writer wouldn’t be this rude.” She stretches her arm towards Clarke, who is staring at her and seeming somewhat annoyed. “I’m sure you will hear from them soon. Now move your fine ass from your bed. Wells must be waiting for us.”

…

“Her art is sooooo good Anya. It’s the kind of art that take you to another places. That makes you travel and imagine _and feel_.” She takes a sip of her iced green tea, glancing absentmindedly at her phone. “I wish I could look at the originals, though. I know this kind of thing lose quality when photographed or scanned. It must lo-”

“You didn’t drag me from my bed during a hangover to ramble about this fan of yours, did you? Because if you did I’ll excuse myself and go back to our dorm, because my head is pounding and all this noise and luminosity isn’t helping.” Lexa bites at her bottom lip, her eyes slightly widened, and Anya sighs loudly, reaching for her water bottle. “I’m sorry. I’m being bitchier this morning due to the ton of alcohol I ingested last night.” She takes a gulp of water, placing the bottle back on the table. “I’m happy you made an Internet friend, Lex. It seems, I don’t know, exciting?”

Lexa shrugs, reaching for her wrap.

“I didn’t make a friend, An. I’m just flattered with her admiration and amazed by her work.”

“Mhm.” Anya’s eyebrow arches and she smirks at Lexa. “And I’m amazed by the fact that this devoted fan is a she.”

Lexa shakes her head quickly, pointing a finger at Anya at the same time she tries to prevent a piece of lettuce from falling out of her mouth.

“Don’t even think about going there, Anya Woods.” She swallows her food, using a napkin to clear her lips. “But yes, the artist is a she. It’s written on her Tumblr.”

“Is she hot?”

Lexa shrugs.

“Don’t know. I didn’t find any pic of her.”

“Aha.” Anya grins, pointing a finger at Lexa. “So you did look for it. I knew –“

“Anya.”

She rolls her eyes, mumbling _whatever_ , and Lexa leans back on her chair. It’s when she notices Wells looking at her from a table near them.

A small smile appears on her lips and she waves at them timidly, feeling her cheeks heating when she notices the two brunettes who are with him staring at her and grinning.

Anya frowns at her expression, turning her head to look at what Lexa is staring at. A low _whoa_ leaves her lips and she takes her sunglasses off, smiling at them before looking back at her cousin.

“Why didn’t you tell me you knew hot chicks around here?” She shakes her head, smirking. “And here I was, thinking your game was lame.”

Lexa reaches for her beverage, shrugging.

“I don’t know them. I was waving at Wells.” She shrugs again, glancing at her phone again. “You already know him.”

“Oh, yeah. I do. I just didn’t see him.” Her smirk gets bigger and she takes another gulp of water. “I had more interesting things to look at.”

“God, you’re gro-“

“Hey girls.”

They turn to the tall, smiling man who is approaching their table.

Anya smiles widely when he places a hand on his shoulder, tilting her head to look at him.

“Hey Lin. What’s up?”

He smiles back at her, squeezing her shoulder before glancing at Lexa and nodding at her.

“Not much. Going to work now. What about you?”

She tilts her head, peaking at Well’s table.

“Was trying to flirt. Until a wall made of flesh and bones decided to mess up my plans.”

Lexa rolls her eyes, glancing at Lincoln, who looks quickly over his shoulder. He is smirking when he looks back at her.

“Well, I get why you were trying to flirt. Whatever your choice had been you would have had chosen well.” She smirks at him, nodding too, and he looks back at Lexa, who is staring funnily at them. “Anyway, I’m here because Indra isn’t feeling very well so she went back home. Would you mind joining me for the next shift? It’s our busiest one a Saturdays and Luna isn’t ready for it yet. She says she can cover your shift, though.”

Lexa nods, already reaching for her phone.

“Sure. I didn’t have any plans, anyway.”

Anya reaches for her phone too, standing up.

“It’s a shame I partied too hard last night.” She glances at the other table again, smiling wider when she notices the attention of the two women is still on their table. “Or I would use the perks of an empty room for other than sleeping.”

Lexa shakes her head but a small smile is playing on her lips.

“You’re gross, An.”

She turns to Wells, raising her hand in a static wave before walking away. Anya and Lincoln laugh when the two girls wave back way more excitedly than him.

…

“What did I miss?”

She is staring at her waving friends with a furrowed brow and Wells points at Octavia and Raven when she sits down.

“These two being flirty weirdos.”

Raven shrugs, reaching for her soda.

“I will not apologize for being myself. Plus, I had never seen a table so full of hot people before.”

Octavia nods excitedly, throwing a French fry into her mouth.

“Those girls were gorgeous. And the guy who arrived was stunning too. I even forgive him for coming to steal them from us.” She smirks, reaching for the ketchup bottle. “I mean, it’s not like I can blame him. I wouldn’t want to share them too.”

Clarke rolls her eyes, snorting.

“You’re gross, Octavia.”

“You didn’t see them, C. You’d fully support O’s commentary if you had seen them.” She turns to Wells, nodding towards him. “The good thing is one of the girls is friends with Wells, so we may meet them again.”

“She isn’t my friend, Raven. We are just classmates.” The deadly glare the two girls give them is enough to make him throw both hands in the air. “Okay, okay. I’ll see what I can do.”

…

Octavia slams their dorm door open, as usual. But this time Clarke doesn’t complain – or even flinch at the loud sound.

She is lying on her back, her phone clutched on her right hand and the left one placed over her chest. A huge grin form on Octavia’s lips when she notices the goofy smile on Clarke’s lips and she uses the heel of her foot to close the door, more gently this time.

“They replied, didn’t they?”

Clarke nods without diverting the eyes from her phone and doing nothing to hide her big smile.

“They did.” She glances at Octavia, handing her the phone. “And it was the coolest message I’ve ever received.”

Octavia grabs the phone, taking a seat next to Clarke.

> _Hi. I saw the drawing you did, inspired by the latest chapter of my story, and I need to say I’m incredibly flattered. I never thought my words could make someone feel something so deep. I never thought my words would bring up such passion or originate such a breathtaking thing. I’m very happy you decided to share it with your followers – and with me as well – and believe me, I should be the one doing the thanking thing here, so thank you. Also, I took the liberty to take a look – a really prolonged one – at your page and I have no shame in admitting that I have no words to describe to you what your art made me feel. It can be colorful when black and white, it can be dreary when full of colors, and it’s always touching. Breathtaking. I’m very honored that someone as talented as you felt inspired by my work, even if it pales in comparison to yours. I ask you permission to reblog your post, to share it with my followers. Beauty deserves recognition and I’d like to offer it to you, even if in tiny hearts form. A._

“Woah.” Her eyebrows are arched when she glances at Clarke, returning the phone to her. “This old person still has game.” She pokes Clarke’s stomach, smiling at her blushing cheeks and shy smile. “I told you they would love it, Clarkey. The drawing is amazing and your art _is_ breathtaking.”

Clarke nods, clearly shy.

“Yeah, you kind of did.”

“So, what now? Will you reply and then you will marry and raise a bunch of children?”

Clarke rolls her eyes before looking back at her phone, shrugging.

“I may start a chat with them. To thank them for the compliments, you know.”

Octavia nods, leaning to kiss her cheek before standing up.

“Yeah, I know. Only to thank them.”

…

“Are you smiling at your phone, Lex?”

Lincoln’s teasing tone almost makes her drop the device, but soon she is composed again and her smile is completely gone.

“Ah, hm, Anya sent me a joke?”

He grins at her, cleaning the counter with a wet cloth.

“Are you asking me if Anya sent you a joke?” He laughs loudly at her pink cheeks, his grin widening. “It must have been a good one. You never stutter.” Her eyes widen slightly and she opens her mouth to reply, but no words leave it. He laughs louder, shaking his head. “I never thought I’d live to see this day.”

“Linc-“

“Hey guys.” Luna waves at them, smiling. “I see things are cool here.”

Lexa nods eagerly at her, happy with the unplanned distraction.

“Yes. We survived the deadly hours of the shift and the things must be very calm for a while now.”

Luna nods before heading for the storage, and Lexa is quick to follow her. When Lincoln arches an eyebrow at her she mumbles _I will give her some instructions about the night shift_ , but her eyes don’t meet his.

He laughs again.

…

Anya’s bed is empty when she finally arrives at their room and she snorts at the note that she finds on her bed.

And despite the fact that watching a movie with her cousin sounded like a good idea, she can’t say she minds having the room for herself and some peace to lie on her bed and reply C’s messages.

That’s exactly what she does when she comes back to her room half an hour later, wet hair falling over her shoulders and a plate of noodles with colorful vegetables on her hand. 

She turns on her laptop and as soon as it is working properly she opens Tumblr, immediately clicking on the smiling icon and smiling herself.

> _Hey. I decided to use the chat because it sucks less than the other ways to exchange messages here. I hope you don’t mind._
> 
> _So, A., huh? I mean, is it okay calling you A.? I know you signed your message with A., so it should be okay, but double checking it doesn’t hurt, right? Also, what kind of pronouns I should use when referencing to you? I’d hate misgendering you and triggering things. And… whoa, I’m rambling._
> 
> _Yeah, and I still hit the enter button, which means you may think I’m an idiot right now. Anyway, are you kidding me? Of course you can reblog the draft. I’d be an honor. And I’m so so sooooo happy you liked it, I was kind of nervous to share it with you but my friends told me it was good enough, so I decided to go for it. And I figured that posting it and mentioning you would be better than messaging you, sending it directly, asking for an email or something like that because if you thought that it sucked and decided to ignore me it’d be easier this way._
> 
> _Oh shit. Hm, hey, not that I’m suggesting you would ignore me. It’s just –_
> 
> _UGH, I’m rambling again and making a fool of myself. So yes, you can reblog it. And thank you. Again._

She giggles at the messages, glancing at the clock on the right corner of her screen to check if it’s an acceptable hour to message someone. Because even if this C. girl isn’t glued to her phone with the Tumblr app open, waiting for a reply, a notification could wake her. Or interrupt something. Or worse.

But it’s barely midnight so she tells herself that messaging C. back is completely acceptable.

So she opens a Word document and starts to type, trying not to censor her brain too much, and when she rereads it she only has a few things to delete or to add.

> _Hi, C. (Yes, as I told you before I – sort of – stalked your Tumblr so I know you call yourself C. and goes for she/her/hers pronouns.) First of all, using the chat it’s perfectly fine with me. To be fair, I usually don’t engage in conversations with my followers, but when I do the chat is the best way to make it work. Also, yes, you can call me A. And I go for the same pronouns as you, so now you can push all your fears about misgendering me away (and I must say it was very kind of you to ask me about the pronouns I use when referencing to myself. It shows you’re way more than just a talented artist)._
> 
> _I’m happy I’m allowed to reblog the drawing. Will do it now. And I say it again: it is very beautiful, as are your other works. Anyone with a soul – even if a damaged one – should be able to see it._
> 
> _P.S.: Also, I’d never ignore you and your honesty is refreshing. Please, never hesitate before pressing enter._

It’s more than she ever said to any of her followers, even to the kind and nice ones. It’s more than she ever shared with any of her followers – and with anyone other than the one who must not be named, Anya and Lincoln, probably. But something about C. – and about her honesty and dorkiness - and about her art – painfully breathtaking and with so many layers she would love to discover – that make her walls disappear for a while.

She wants to know this girl better, and this feeling is new and scary – she still isn’t recovered from the only time it happened before.

But she wants it anyway, so she copies the text and past into the chat box, pressing enter without second guessing it.

She wouldn’t send it otherwise.

…

Raven elbows Octavia’s on her ribs, earning a glare from her, and as soon as she has her attention she nods towards Clarke, raising her eyebrows suggestively. Octavia’s lips curl in a grin when she notices Clarke looking at her phone with a pout on her lips.

“Let it go, Clarkey.” She bites the inside of her cheeks when the blonde glares at her, her lips now pressed in a thin line. “You made a fool of yourself, but I’m sure they will not think you’re a complete idiot. I mean, they already knew you’re a talented artist. Now they also know you suck with words.”

A cushion flies towards Octavia and she barely has time to dodge it, laughing loudly. Raven leans over Octavia, patting Clarke’s thigh lightly and suppressing a smirk.

“Don’t mind O, Princess. She is just being a dick. As usual.”

“Hey.” Octavia turns to face Raven, pointing a finger at her. “You were the one who brought her pout to my attention.”

Raven shakes her head solemnly, a serious expression on her face.

“I didn’t do such a thing, Octavia. And you shouldn’t lie to your best friend.” Octavia’s hand connects with Raven’s forehead and Clarke rolls her eyes at the loud snap, leaning forward to grab Raven’s hands before she could hit back. “Heeeeey, I deserve retaliation. Let me re-“

“You two are too childish sometimes.” She lets go of Raven’s hands, glaring at her until she relents and leans against her pillow. “And please, stop making fun of me. I already feel bad so spare your efforts.”

“Hey.” Raven sits straight again, her hand searching for Clarke’s and her eyes concerned. “I’m sorry. We will stop now.”

Octavia nods, throwing an arm over Clarke’s shoulders and squeezing her arm lightly.

“And we are too childish indeed. But these two kids –“ she gestures between herself and Raven “- love cool auntie Clarke. So she will forgive them.” 

Clarke sighs, letting her head fall over Octavia’s shoulder.

“I just –“ she sighs again, closing her eyes. “Why I pressed enter? I mean, yes, I was a babbling mess, but it’s not like I couldn’t have avoided the tragedy.”

“It was kind of cute, Clarkey.” She opens her eyes, glaring at Raven, who smiles at her. “I’m not saying you weren’t a babbling mess, but you were a really cute one. So stop worrying. They will message you back.”

Octavia nods, kissing Clarke’s cheeks before pointing at the laptop on Raven’s roommate bed.

“Now let’s pay attention to the movie, right? I know we already lost all the plo-“

Clarke’s phone vibrates and three pair of eyes fly towards it in a split second. Clarke’s eyes widen when she notices that she received the reply she was waiting for, glancing at her friends at the same time she reaches for the device.

Raven and Octavia nod supportively at her and she unlocks it, anxious eyes already savoring all the content of the long reply.

She groans when she finishes it, letting her back fall against the pillow and handing the phone to Octavia, whose hand is already outstretched.

“You know what? Laura Hollis was wrong.” She groans again, closing her eyes. “ _This_ is the worst crush ever.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So I guess I'm kind of excited about this story, and that's the reason you're getting a new chapter today. Anyway, I hope you like it - and thanks to everyone who left kudos and messaged me. You're really kind :)


	3. Chapter 3

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> They have a crush and it's adorable - even if slightly obsessive.

She thought too much about A.’s reply. So much that she ended sleeping just a few hours that night. And it wouldn’t be, _per se_ , a problem, since she didn’t have anything to do on Sunday, so naps were allowed. But she couldn’t bring herself to answer the damn message during the night, so the planned naps turned into anxious glares at her phone and chewed nails.

The thing is… she is an impulsive person. She always acts before thinking and it usually brings a lot of problems into her life or embarrasses her - the first messages she sent to A. were a proof of it.

And she doesn’t even know why – the whole _I’m crushing really hard on this stranger_ thing aside – she wants this girl to think she is smart, quirky and adorable but she does, so she decided to change her demeanor and hold a decent conversation with the writer. The result? She started second guessing every single thing that crossed her mind.

It was only when Octavia threatened pouring a glass of orange juice over _the_ drawing that she relented and put her phone aside, closing her eyes and forcing her mind to shut down.

And that’s the reason she is grumpy, despite the lazy Sunday and all the possibilities to enjoy it in all its glory.

She glances at Octavia’s bed, where she is spread, a book on her hand, and then her eyes wander to the window.

The sky is blue and the sun is shining but the day is kind of chilly, so the weather is perfect to be outside. She thinks about all the leaves changing their color on the trees, and how nice stepping over the colorful fallen ones is, and she is already leaving the bed and reaching for her sketchbook.

“Finally.”

She glances at Octavia, who is still looking at her book – despite the small smirk on her lips – and she doesn’t need to ask her about what she is talking about. She already knows what her best friend is thinking, _and she agrees with her._

When she comes back a few hours later, her clothes displaying a few stains and some pages of her sketchbook full of earthy colors, her mind is finally clear enough for her to reply.

…

She is just slightly embarrassed by the fact that she doesn’t put her phone away as soon as she turns off her alarm, as she does every morning.

An even if opening Tumblr is her third action of the day – and she isn’t sure if it wouldn’t be the first one if it was physically possible -, she can’t bring herself to care.

The message is still there, despite all the scenarios her mind come up with, in which it disappeared mysteriously – and she can’t even blame her mind, due to the shittyness of Tumblr’s messaging system.

> _Good evening, A. (well, I don’t know if it’s accurate for you, because I have no idea where you are and even if we are in the same time zone I don’t know when you will read this message, but I think you get the greeting, so…)_
> 
> _You’re way too nice when speaking about my “art”. It’s just a hobby, a way to force some things out of my mind – and of my chest – when I really need to. But I’m happy you think it’s beautiful. It’s a worthwhile compliment, coming from someone who is extremely talented and creates amazing things, even if in a different form. So, using your own words (because you’re clearly WAY better than I with them), I’m flattered by your admiration._
> 
> _Also, you mentioned on your first message something about how my drawings can be colorful even when b &w or dreary when colorful and it made me think you’re an art connoisseur. Is that the case? Because “ordinary people” really don’t use this kind of expression when referencing to art. Or maybe it’s your soul – inspiring, beautiful and whole – that allows you to see it? Anyway, I just wanted to let you know that knowing you’re able to see this kind of thing – that even people really close to me can’t see, sometimes – makes me feel even more honored by your compliments._
> 
> _Okay, I’ll leave you alone now, you stalker. Just want to say, first, that I’m really looking forward to the next chapter of Catharsis. You’re publishing it tomorrow, right? And if you aren’t, this is completely fine. I mean, it’s not like you NEED to do it, I just thought that would be cool le- OH GOD, I’M RAMBLING AGAIN. I’m really leaving now, before I lose my cool. =P_
> 
> _Have a good week, A.!!_
> 
> _P.S.: I gained almost 40 followers since your reblog. HOW FAMOUS YOU ARE?_
> 
> _P.P.S (about your P.S.): don’t say such things to me. You shouldn’t encourage my nonsense._

She rubs her eyes again, almost dropping her phone on her face, but it does nothing to rip the goofy smile from her face.

Anya is still snoring on the bed next to hers and she is glad about it, because she would never hear the end of her teasing if she saw the smile on her face now. Especially after mentioning the message to her before falling asleep on the night before and adding how cute this C. girl sounded – a rookie mistake, she recognizes.

Fighting against the urge to read the message for the fifth time, she starts to type an answer, wondering how much she should share with her, because it isn’t like she is asking for anything – well, other than the art connoisseur thing. But she is sure that if she intends to know C. better – what she does, because she has such a beautiful and creative soul and that’s very inspiring (and only because of those things) – she will have to relearn how to share.

When she leaves her bed, twenty minutes or so later, the smile is still on her lips.

…

“I swear to God that I’ll kill you some day, Raven.”

Raven pouts at Clarke, who is glaring at her, her arms crossed in front of her chest.

“But I didn’t know she would be here, Clarke. She is always at her girlfriend’s dorm on Monday’s afternoons. You know that.”

“And you know I’d rather not to meet Nia again. Ever.”

Raven nods eagerly before turning to her desk and reaching for her copybook.

“And I understand why and respect it.” She throws the copybook into her backpack before zipping it. “I’ll double check if she is away next time I invite you to come here.”

A knock is heard and soon the door is opening, Octavia’s head is peeking through its crack.

“Hey bitches. How are you?”

Raven shrugs, pointing at herself.

“Scared and –“ she points at Clarke before throwing her backpack over her shoulder “- pissed.”

Octavia grins widely, opening the door.

“Was Nia here?”

Clarke nods, unfolding her arms and gripping the straps of her backpack.

“Yes. And it was as awkward as the last time we met.”

Octavia nods, still smirking.

“Well, at least wasn’t as bad as the first time, right?”

Raven chuckles, reaching for the door and ushering her friends outside the room.

“Neither Bel managed to get punched at his first College party and he is a big jerk.”

Clarke turns to Raven, pointing at her.

“Hey, I didn’t know that accepting a drink from your roommate would result in a punch.” She shrugs, looking away and seeming somewhat shy. “I didn’t know she had a girlfriend.”

“Who could be a boxer, as the state of your jaw afterwards told us.”

Octavia laughs loudly, raising her arm and meeting Raven’s in a fist bump.

“We are getting better at teasing the Princess, Rae.” She glances at Clarke, who is pouting. “Aaaaaaw, don’t pout, Clarkey. You know we loooove you.”

…

> _Good morning, C. (I think we are in the same time zone – EST – or at least close to it, due the fact that it was evening for me too.)_
> 
> _First of all, no. I’m not an art connoisseur. I’m an enthusiast of beautiful things, though, and your art (without the quotation marks, PLEASE) fits that category, so that’s probably the reason why I was able to notice it._
> 
> _Another reason could be the fact I use “my art” to express my emotions too – or to hide from them. So I know that the product of this kind of cathartic process is made of multiple layers, and that it only could be fully understood if all these layers are taken into account. Its complexity can be blinding, but I think similar souls understand one another so I’m able to see that not all colorful things are made of color – and vice versa._
> 
> _Anyway, I think we will never know for sure why I was able to notice that. But I’m glad I did, because you seem to like the fact that I did._
> 
> _And following your lead, I’ll leave you alone now. Not because I’m rambling but because I have to dive in an ocean of 200 uninterested students now (lectures aren’t my thing, for sure)._
> 
> _P.S.: Mockery is not the product of a strong mind, C. Also, I barely fit into the definition of stalker. You’re being incredibly unfair._
> 
> _P.P.S.: not famous at all._
> 
> _P.P.P.S: yes, the new chapter of Catharsis will be posted tonight, before I leave for work. I really hope you enjoy it – and your week as well._

She places her phone on their table, smiling widely.

“She is in College too.”

Raven frowns at her, taking a bite of her sandwich, and Octavia snorts loudly, leaning her chair back onto two legs.

“Are you sure you don’t know who she is talking about, Rae?”

Raven’s eyes widen and she smirks, a piece of ham flying out of her mouth.

“Ew, Rae. Gross.” She turns to Octavia, gesturing towards the chair. “And you, stop doing that before you become the girl who broke her coccyx in the middle of the cafeteria.”

Octavia rolls her eyes, sitting straight again.

“Yeah, talk dirty to me, _Doctor Griffin_.”

Clarke flips her off absentmindedly, reaching for her soda.

“Plus, it’s not like I’ve been talking about her all the time, O.”

“Oh, no. You surely haven’t.”

Raven nods, reaching for a napkin.

“And we also don’t know that you think she thinks she has a broken soul, because of her second message.”

“Or how flattered you are by the fact she thinks your work is dreary and colorful even when it’s not or whatever.”

“And we also didn’t noticed you keep using _flattered_ because she used it, because we are sure you didn’t even know this wo-“

“Oh my God.” She buries her head on her hands, groaning. “You two are so annoying.”

They laugh, loudly, and Raven reaches for her shoulder, squeezing it.

“We are. But we are also happy for you, because this mysterious girl seems to be a cool one.”

“Ye-“

“Hey girls.” Wells frowns at Clarke’s posture, taking a seat next to Octavia. “What did I miss?”

Octavia grins, shrugging.

“The Princess has a crush.” Raven giggles and Clarke groans again, her head still pressed against her hands. “But that’s not important now.” She turns to face Wells easier, her grin turning into a smirk. “Tell me. Any progress with the _introducing the hot chicks to my amazing friends_ task?”

This time Wells is the one groaning, and even Clarke laughs.

…

“So, let’s see.” Octavia glances at the list on her hand, pointing at its first item. “We already know the mystery writer is a she.” She lets the pen travel to the second item, stopping on it quickly before hovering to the third one. “She lives on East Coast and is in College. Oh, and we also know she works during the night.”

Clarke rolls her eyes, but a small smile is playing on her lips.

“I can’t believe you actually made a list, O. But yes, we do know all these things.” She wants to add that they also know a lot of other things (like how kind A. is, and how she makes sure to compliment her art in every message they exchange. Or like how captivating is the way she writes even in messages, all polite and almost formal. Or like how interesting the fact that she uses her writing to deal with emotions makes her. Or like how she could spend a lot of time enlisting things she knows about A. after two months of following her and only three messages received) but she feels that she would be giving ammunition to Octavia’s – and Raven’s, by extension – teasing, so she tries to focus on anything not related to A. “Anyway, don’t you have something to read for your class?”

Octavia nods, placing the list next to her thigh with a sigh.

“I do. But helping my friend to know her crush better is more important than educating myself.”

Clarke giggles at Octavia’s words, shaking her head.

“You’re cute sometimes, O. Really weird and crazy, but cute.” Octavia mumbles _now tell me the news_ and Clarke fights the urge to throw a pillow at her. “But despite appreciating your supportiveness, I think you shouldn’t be feeding my, hm, obsession.”

“You have a crush, Clarke. It’s cool and healthy, even if slightly obsessive. And I think making a new friend, even if a virtual one, is a good thing for you.”

Clarke nods, because she knows Octavia is right. She relies on her group of close friends and usually don’t allow other people to come too close – the memories of the last time she did it still hurt.

But even if she is still in pain, she wants to let this girl come closer. The feeling is scary, but at the same time new and refreshing. So she indulges Octavia’s curiosity, promptly starting to ramble when she asks about the chapter A. posted an hour ago.

It’s not like she would manage to sleep before venting about it anyway.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hello you :)
> 
> Here's the new chapter of Catharsis and I hope you like it as much as I do.


	4. Chapter 4

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Things are progressing and Clarke and Lexa are cute and annoying.

“Why are you frowning at your phone, Lex?”

She raises her head, a puzzled expression on her face.

“Hm?”

Anya snorts, rolling her eyes and taking a seat on the edge of her own bed.

“Will you ever listen to me when I talk to you?”

“Sorry.” She sighs, locking her phone and placing it on her bed. “It’s just -you know the girl I’ve been messaging lately?”

She smirks widely, arching one eyebrow at her.

“The fan?”

“ _The artist_.” Anya rolls her eyes again, mumbling _yeah, sure,_ and Lexa takes another deep breath, one hand running through her hair. “Well… she just sent me a message.”

“Woah, that’s so incredible and different from what has been happening every single night. Tell me everything about it.”

“Anya.” Lexa’s glare does nothing to avoid another eye roll from Anya, who snorts loudly before lying on the bed. “It _is_ different. Because I’m online now and _she knows that_ because I’m replying to some anonymous asks and now she will know –“

“So stop rambling and answer the damn message, weirdo.”

“I’m awful at –“

“Small talk. Yeah, I know. But this girl thinks you’re a cool kid, God knows why. I don’t think your awkwardness could change that.” She smirks widely, shrugging. “You got yourself a fangirl, Lex. Deal with it.”

Lexa blushes lightly, looking away.

“You’re incredibly annoying, An.”

“I could say the same thing about you, Lex.”

 “Sure. Anyway, Wells talked to me this morning and told me he and his friends, the ones from the cafeteria, are planning on attending a party this Friday.”

Anya punches the air, cheering.

“I knew they would make some move!” She sits up, pointing at Lexa, one eyebrow arched defiantly. “We are planning on attending it too.”

“You and Lincoln are. I have to work.”

“Come on Lexa. I need –“

Lexa reaches for her phone, shaking her head shortly.

“No. Don’t waste your time. Both of us know you don’t need me for anything.”

…

“She is avoiding me.”

Raven stops chewing on her pen to raise her head and look at Clarke, a puzzled expression on her face.

“What?”

“A. She is avoiding me.”

Raven lets her eyes wander around the dinner, the frown on her forehead deepening.

“You discovered who she is?” Her eyes widen, her lips curling into a perfect O. “Oh, she is here and hiding from you? I wi-“

“Are you crazy, Reyes?” She shakes her head, reaching for her burger. “Of course not.”

“How could she be avoiding you, then?”

Clarke shrugs nonchalantly, her lips curled into a sad smile.  

“She isn’t replying my messages and she is online. _Again._ ” She sighs before biting the bread. “She did the same last night.”

Raven shakes her head, looking back to the copybook in front of her with a snort.

“And to think you just called me crazy.” She starts to write again, shaking her head one more time. “You’re really weird when you’re crushing on someone.”

She sighs in defeat, placing the burger back on its plate.

“I just don’t understand why she doesn’t reply to me when she is clearly online, reblogging stuff or replying to asks, and _then_ answer to me a couple of hours later, all polite _and cute_.” She sighs again, deeper this time. “It’s frustrating.”

“God Lord, you got it –“

“Hey bitches!” Octavia plops on the seat next to Clarke’s, a wide grin on her lips. “Guess what? I bumped into Wells earlier and he told me he talked to the crabby hottie and invited her to a party one of his friends is throwing tomorrow night.” She raises both arms in the air, her hands closed into tight fists. “Looks like we will have some fun then.”

Clarke snorts, shaking her head.

“You’re the queerest heterosexual in the entire world, Octavia.”

 “Heeeeeeeey, I’m just not oblivious, okay? They were hot and I’d be an idiot not to point it out.” She reaches for Raven’s soda, taking a sip of it despite her protests. “Also, they guy who joined them was smoking hot too and I told Wells to make sure he goes with them.”

Clarke shakes her head, glancing quickly at her phone before reaching for her sketchbook.

“Whatever. I’m not going.”

“Oh, you so are.” Clarke pouts at Octavia before locking pleading eyes with Raven’s, who raises her hands, smirking. Octavia grins, nodding at the other brunette. “That’s the spirit, Rae. And stop pouting, Princess. I’m sure you could use some help to take her mind out of a certain muse, even if only for a few hours.”

…

Her feet hit the ground under her unhesitatingly, her arms tightly folded in front of her arms. She doesn’t even flinch when the door of the TV room behind her slams closed, even if it’s some ungodly hour of the night and half of her building may be sleeping.

She plops on the couch, sighing loudly, her head resting against the back of it and her eyes closed.

When her breathing normalizes and her arms are more relaxed she moves to lie on the couch, opening her eyes and reaching for the phone tucked into the pocket of her leather jacket.

She fidgets with it for a few minutes before sighing and unlocking it, quickly opening Tumblr.

_Hey. Hm, I know it’s late so I hope this message doesn’t wake you up (I don’t know if you’re a weirdo who doesn’t put their phone on silent during the night) but I’m pissed and I just need to share it with you._

_Anyway, hope you’re having an awesome night. And that this message doesn’t arrive at a bad time._

She closes her eyes as soon as she hits send, lowering her hand to place her phone on her chest, but before she can do it the phone vibrates and she fumbles with it, almost dropping it on the floor.

**Now it’s a good time as ever. What’s wrong? Why are you upset?**

Her eyes widen at the sender and she just stares at the message for a few seconds. And then her fingers start to move fast, a huge smile growing on her lips.

_OH MY GOD! YOU ANSWERED ME IN REAL TIME_

_WE’ARE LIIIIIIIIIIIIIIVE!_

_I was sure you were avoiding a ‘face-to-face’ with me._

She types quickly and sends the messages without second guessing. But when she notices the content of her last one she curses lowly, rearranging her body on the couch, her back now pressed against the armrest and her legs tucked against her chest.

After a few seconds chewing on her fingernails she starts to type again, this slowly and carefully, hopping her evasive tactics will be enough to distract A. from her rudeness.

_Oh, fuck! You’re a weirdo who doesn’t put their phone on silent during the night, right? I’m SO SORRY, A. Like, incredible sorry =/_

_You can go back to sleep now!_

_(I mean, if you want. OBVIOUSLY. This is a free country.)_

The three dancing dots appear almost immediately, Clarke’s eyes focused on them, her shoulders almost touching the tips of her ears.

**No need to apologize. You didn’t wake me up.**

**Actually, I’m at work now.**

A short sigh leaves Clarke’s lips, her shoulders relaxing visibly.

_Oh! That’s great!!!_

_Hm, the fact that I didn’t wake you up, I mean. But this is clearly a bad time for you, with work and all_

_So I’ll shut up now_

She barely has time to snort at her own inability to behave like a coherent human being before another message arrives.

**Stop rambling, C. I’m at work now but I wouldn’t have replied if I was busy. We can talk.**

**I reassure you that now is a good time as ever. And I may be a little bored, so I’d appreciate the company.**

A small smile is on Clarke’s lips when she starts to type again.

_Are you sure? Because I wouldn’t want you to get in trouble with your boss._

**I’m one hundred percent sure.**

**So now tell me why you’re upset. Can I do anything to help you?**

She sighs for the thousandth time in the night, mentally cursing the power she always gives to Octavia and Raven when it comes to convincing her to do certain things.

_It’s just… my friends can be a pain in the ass sometimes. They dragged me to a party I really didn’t want to attend and one of them disappeared as soon as we arrived._

_And that wasn’t even the worst part of the night: the other one meet this guy and they practically leaned on me to make out!!!!!!!_

_And now I’m stuck out of my room because I’m too afraid they’re having loud sex inside of it to go back there._

_LIFE SUCKS SOMETIMES_

She sighs deeply when she hits send, immediately feeling lighter. Because it’s not like she could complain about Raven and Octavia to Raven and Octavia, and sometimes she just feels like Well is too political to hear her complaints – and indulge them.

**Are you safe?**

A small smile appears on her lips at the content of the message.

_Safe and sound. I’m at my floor's tv room._

**I'm glad to hear that.**

**Well, that was quite the party, wasn’t it?**

**When my best friend insists on me dragging me to some party I’ll be sure to add all these things you referenced to my lists of reasons to stay spread on my bed.**

**Also, I’m sorry your night was so bad. I wish I could do something to change this fact, but sadly I’m not Hermione Granger and I don’t have access to a time turner.**

**But I may have a tip that will change your life: start to work in the night shift. It’s an amazing excuse not to go out. (I may or may not have used it tonight.)**

Clarke is fully grinning now, her fingers still moving fast across the screen.

_So you’re a professional party avoider?_

_Who would have guessed, hm?_

**Well, I’m pretty sure you did. You even called me out on the fact I was avoiding a ‘real time conversation’.**

Her smile fades immediately and a low _fuck_ leaves her lips.

_Yeah. And I’m sorry about it. I didn’t have the right to ‘call your out’ on it._

_It was really rude._

She sighs, deciding that honesty is the best way to explain her excitement about A.’s reply.

_It’s just…_

_I need to confess that I was looking forward to it._

**I was too looking forward to it too, believe me.**

**But I’m awful at small talk. I was a little afraid of embarrassing myself. Or of giving up how boring I am.**

**I’m sorry if my avoidance and insecurity upset you.**

Clarke squeaks at the message, her heart clenching at its content.

_Hey, no need to apologize!!!_

_Like, for real. You didn’t upset me_

_aaaaaaaaand I would never think you’re boring._

_Also, speaking about embarrassing yourself… didn’t you notice the amount of times I made a fool of myself since we started to chat? My friends teased me SO MUCH after my first messages because I sounded like a nervous, babbling mess._

_So it’s all good!_

**The messages were adorable. And you sounded genuine.**

_Well, you  too._

_Your writer self, your ‘I write on Word and paste into the chat box’ self and your ‘real time messaging’ self are pretty much the same so kudos to you._

**…**

**How did you know that? =(**

Clarke laughs loud, her cheeks almost hurting from grinning.

_Fyi, I just LOLled at your message!_

_I think the single block of text kinda gave it away._

_But no need to use this sad face._

_I think it was pretty adorable, too ;)_

**Are you calling my nervousness cute?**

_Hmmmmm, not really? I mean, anxiety and jitters are pretty serious things, they aren’t cute. But your collected, polite and smart self sorta is._

_Plus, you pretty much did the same, a few messages ago._

_You said my ramblings were cute, so…_

**Yes. I did.**

**I apologize.**

**But I meant it :)**

Clarke squeaks again, her smile getting impossible bigger, but before she has a chance to reply someone is taking a seat next to her.

“So she finally decided to hold a real time conversation with you, huh?”

Clarke’s phone hits the floor almost immediately and she stares at Octavia with wide eyes before leaning forward to slap her arm.

“Fuck! You almost killed me, you furtive bitch!”

“Hey.” Octavia flinches before grabbing Clarke’s wrist. “It’s not my fault if your pathetic self was too busy squeaking at your phone to notice my arrival.” She lets go of Clarke’s wrist, leaning to pick her phone from the floor and handing it to her friend. “Here, answer to your girlfriend before she thinks you slept on her. It would be rude.”

“She isn’t my girlfriend, Octavia.” She grabs the phone, glancing at it before glaring at her friend. “And I must reply to her, yeah. Because unlike certain people she actually kept me company.”

Octavia grins widely, standing up.

“I’m not sorry about that. And you should be thanking me because I stopped a really hot making out session just for you to be able to sleep on a bed tonight.”

Clarke rolls her eyes, snorting.

“Oh, thank you so much Octavia. I don’t know what I would have done if you weren’t a really considerate friend.”

“Certainly not crashed on Raven’s dorm, since she is nowhere to be found. So stop the sarcasm and answer the girlfriend because I want you in my bed in less than 10 minutes.” She winks at her Clarke, turning to the door. “I need some cuddles.”

Clarke sighs loudly before unlocking her phone, the smile coming back to her lips immediately.

**Did you sleep?**

**I told you I am boring.**

Noooooooooo! You aren’t.

My ass of a friend appeared and scared the crap out of me.

Turns out she remembered she has a best friend who is also her roommie and decided to let the loud sex for other day

Are you still at work?

**Yes. I’ll leave in a bit, though.**

**You don’t need to keep me company.**

Clarke bites her bottom lip absentmindedly, her eyes focused on the screen.

**I mean, your friend is back now and I’m sure you want to sleep. Or to talk to her.**

_I’d rather to keep talking to you._

An entire minute passes before she gets a reply.

**What if we continued our chat tomorrow? I’ll have a lazy Sunday.**

_I’d like that. Big time._

_Okay, I’ll sleep then (O doesn’t deserve my words tonight)._

_But it’s a date :)_

She hesitates just a second before starting to type again.

_Hey, A.?_

**Yes?**

_I’m very glad my friends were jerks tonight._

**Me too!**

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I don't know how I feel about this chapter, honestly. I always have a bad time trying to figure out how to write 'real time texting' scenes. Hopefully you guys will enjoy it, though :)


	5. Chapter 5

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> I may be time for some expected meeting, don't you think?

She was fifteen when her father hurried into her room, happy tears on his eyes and a piece of paper on his shaking hands. A huge smile spread on her lips when the _we found her_ left his, and if she was the kind of person who liked to be open and honest about her feelings she would have no trouble admitting she loved Lexa even before laying eyes on the tiny, tin and silent girl.

The same girl who got a bunch of new clothes on the following days, but preferred to wander around wearing one of Anya’s old sweaters.

The same girl who got a new and colorful room, filled with books and toys – and journals, since she appeared to have a weird obsession about them -, but preferred to sleep right on Anya’s bed, curled to her side, her fists gripping tightly her pajamas.

The same girl who talked to her for the first time – and she will remember forever the day when Lexa mumbled _water_ rather than pointing to the water bottle when questioned what she wanted to drink – only three weeks after her arrival, but who searched for her eyes every time they were in a public setting, dealing with strangers.

She almost didn’t survive the pain caused by seeing the cigarette burns on Lexa’s chest for the first time.

_Costia_ almost didn’t survive their first encounter after _the kitchen tragedy._

She sighs lowly, using the tip of her index fingers to press the corner of her eyes, wincing a little when the wetness present there makes her fingernail scratch the side of her nose, and clearing her throat awkwardly when Lexa glances at her, her brow furrowed.

“You were giggling.” She hurries to take her hands away from her face, hoping the evidences of her sappiness aren’t too evident on her face. “ _At your phone_.”

Lexa’s eyes widen slightly and she bites the corner of her bottom her lip absentmindedly before looking away, her shoulder rising in an unsure shrug.

“Hm.” She locks her phone, fidgeting with it while glancing guiltily at Anya. “I guess I was.”

The giggling, the lip biting _and_ Lexa’s amusingly pink cheeks should be more than enough gasoline to fuels Anya’s fire, making her dive into a long and painful teasing session.

But she loves Lexa as a sister – the one she never had – and like all good sister, there’s only one thing that she loves more than teasing Lexa: seeing her happy.

So she goes for the obvious.

“It was her?”

Lexa nods, the blush on her cheeks deepening.

“She was telling me about this time she almost set the kitchen on fire when she was trying to make an omelet. And then she just started to ramble about how unfair being banned for cooking was.”

Anya doesn’t fight against the small smile that settles on her lips, nodding promptly.

“Do we have a name now?”

“No.” Lexa shrugs, and despite her effort to make the gesture to seem nonchalant Anya spots the desire to unravel this stranger’s mystery on her eyes. “But it’s not like we need one.”

“But putting a name to a face we don’t know yet would be cool, don’t you think?”

She seems even more unsure when she nods, her eyes focused on her hands.

“She didn’t offer this kind of personal information. Or asked for mine. So I would probably be overstepping some boundaries if I decided to ask for it, and I’d rather not to make her uncomfortable.”

“You shared some deep shit during these three weeks, Lex. You wouldn’t tell me what she unraveled to you because you’re too loyal for that, but I do know she shared some personal information with you. And you sorta told her about the break up and about being in the system for a while.” She shrugs, eyeing Lexa carefully to check up if _she_ is overstepping boundaries with all this talking. “It seems more important than names and faces.”

“And it is.” She shrugs again, her eyes still focused on anything but Anya’s. “But maybe we were able to share all of these things only because of this anonymity.”

“Or maybe you were able to share it _despite the anonymity_ because you have a weird kind of connection.”

Her tone is suggestive and a whole minute pass before a deep sigh leaves Lexa’s lips.

“I shouldn’t be feeling this way, An.” She sighs again, letting her back fall against the wall behind her bed. “ _It’s been only three weeks and I don’t even know her._ ”

“Except that you kind of do, Lexa.” She stands up, closing the distance between their beds with three strands. “You don’t need to know a person’s name of her face to know them.” She takes a seat on the edge of her bed, ruffling her hair fondly. “By what you told me your online persona is even more reserved than your _real life_ one. And despite not understanding how it is even possible, I do believe that’s the reason she didn’t ask for any kind of information, Lex.” She leans forwards, placing a kiss on her forehead before standing up. “Don’t overthink it. It’s okay to feel whatever you’re feeling.”

Lexa offers her a short nod before she turns to leave their room. It’s only when the door is closed and she is alone in the room that she allows herself to release the breath she has been unconsciously holding.

“I’ll try to convince myself about it.”

…

That’s it.

She will ask C. her name – in the most polite and light manner, according to her plans – tonight, when they will probably have their daily catch up before going to bed – or to work, or to something in between.

And then, after that, she will ask for advice about how to avoiding going to this Halloween party Anya has been bothering her to attend because apparently she could use some new friends and Octavia – who became Lincoln new something, after Well’s party - and her gang seem to be a good option.

And despite the fact that she appreciates Anya’s lack of teasing about Octavia’s opinion about how she would get along with this particular girl – how could she be so sure about this Clarke person and her being a good fit if she doesn’t even KNOW her, coffee shop meetings aside? -, she is still annoyed by her insistence. So she will get all the help she can have.

A small smile is on her lips when she turns the corner of the corridor, which is a little unusual, she knows. But she can’t bring herself to care – and if she were being honest about it she would admit that she kind of appreciates the change.

_Lightness feels good, who would have known?_

But suddenly her feet stop moving and the smile drops and she feels like her heart stopped beating and all the blood has been drained from her body, but she manages to stop herself for reaching for some support from the wall.

And it’s too late to start walking backwards because caramel eyes are already locked with hers.

Two deep breathes later her jaw is clenched and her trained expression is stoic, not a single sign of the pain which is ripping her heart into teeny tiny parts on her face.

“Lexa.” She nods shortly, her knuckles turning white against the strap of her backpack. “I’ve been wondering how much time would take for us to meet this year.” She is smiling widely and her eyes are glistening in excitement, and Lexa _almost_ believes in her next words. “I was hoping it would be sooner.”

“And I was hoping it wouldn’t happen at all.”

She flinches at the harsh worlds, but it takes her less than a second for her smile to be back on her lips.

“Oh, come on, Lex. I know we aren’t together anymore but we were friends before we decided to date.” She steps forward, seeming slightly unsure. “Can’t we at least go back to that? _I miss you._ ”

Lexa wants to yell at her.

She wants to tell her that she is sick for thinking she will want such a thing after finding her being fucked for another girl against the counter of her uncle’s kitchen. After seeing her trust being broken so badly.

She wants to accuse her to being the source of her insomnia, even if she knows this isn’t entirely true. She wants to break down in front of her, just to let her see the pain she has caused, hopping this will inflict her some amount of pain too.

But she isn’t _weak_. Not in front of other people, at least.

“I don’t plan on being anything with you ever again, Costia.” She turns, walking quickly towards the corner of the corridor. “Tell Nia I said hi.”

When she _finally_ turns it she is barely breathing.

…

“Oh, come on, Princess. It will be fun.” Clarke shakes her head, her eyes still focused on the book opened on her lap, and Raven sighs before letting her body fall backwards, closing her eyes when her back hits the mattress. “You’re boring.”

“Well, some of us actually like go to class and to study, you know.”

Octavia scoffs loudly, rolling her eyes.

“Our classes began less than two months ago, Clarke. It’s nothing like you have things to study.” She shakes her head, glancing at Clarke’s bed with cold eyes. “But okay, as you wish. Let’s just keep pretending that your current bitchiness has nothing to do with A.’s sudden disappear.”

Raven open her eyes immediately, pressing her lips together and glaring at Octavia, but the girl doesn’t even notice, her eyes locked with Clarke’s – now angry – blue ones.

“So I’m a bitch just because I don’t want to go to a party?” She snorts, standing up. “I thought our friendship meant more for you than opportunities to drunkenly make out with Lincoln.”

Raven’s eyes go wide and she sits on the bed, scared by the yelling storm she is sure is approaching.

“Oh, shut up, Clarke.” Now Octavia is standing too, her face too close to Clarke’s for Raven’s licking. “This isn’t about me making out with Lincoln and you know it.”

“Oh, yeah. Sorry. I forgot this is about you trying to force some hot chick onto me.” She snorts loudly, shaking her head. “She doesn’t even want to know me, for fuck’s sake. But all you did in the past week was try to convince me to surprise her on work and take her pants off. And that tactic may appeal yo-“

“Clarke.”

Raven is now standing next to her friends, a soothing hand placed on Clarke’s forearm. And her concerned tone does the trick, because suddenly all the anger is gone for Clarke’s eyes, and the sadness is the only thing filling them.

Sadly she didn’t think to try to control Octavia’s rage too.

“Some people aren’t prudes like you, Clarke. So deal with it and go fuck yourself.” Her jaw is clenched and tears are prickling in the corners of her eyes, and a few tears are starting to stream down Clarke’s cheeks as well. “If that isn’t too much of a profanity for you.”

When Clarke leaves the room, sketchpad on hand, all that it’s left for Raven to do is dealing with a the mess that Octavia becomes every single time they fight.

…

She needs a few hours – and a skip class and a few roughly drawn sketches – to calm herself down and come to her senses.

But eventually she does, and the urge to see Octavia and hugs her _and begs for forgiveness for being an idiot_ is too much to deal with, and that’s the reason she is heading for The Grounders when the sun is almost ready to set in the horizon, the hope that her best friend will be there making her unsure feet hit the ground quickly.

She notices that the place is almost empty, but it makes sense, since the afternoon classes aren’t done yet and the night classes are still a little far from beginning.

A quick look around gives her the certainty that Octavia isn’t there – and Lincoln seems to be missing too.

She looks at the brunette behind the cashier, who still didn’t notice her arrival, her stare fixed on the phone on her hands. And it’s just when she stands close to her and clears her throat lowly that she receives the employee’s attention.   

“Hm, hey.” Her heart clenches when their gazes meet because she recognizes the look of pain and guilt on her _drawable deep green eyes_. She is sure she has the same one going on right now. “I’m a friend of Octavia and I was wondering if you saw her today. Around here, I mean.”

“Surprisingly, no.” She shrugs when she spots the question on Clarke’s eyes, a hint of a smile appearing on her lips. “She has been expending a lot of time here, from what I’ve heard. _From Lincoln.”_

A huge smile appears on Clarke’s lips and she nods promptly.

“Oh yeah, sure. And the time she isn’t here, with him, she is with me and Rae, babbling about him and his muscles.” Something on the girl’s expression tells her she knows the feeling, _exactly_ , and she lets her eyes wander to her chest, her eyes widening at the name written on her tag. “You’re the girl they are trying to set up with me.”

A light blush tints Lexa’s cheeks and Clarke knows if she wasn’t so focused on A. and their weird and now also troubled friendship she would have been more open to Octavia’s plan.

“Yes. That would be me.” She glances at the tables, as if trying to see if any customer is needing her help, but Clarke knows, somehow, she is just trying to avoid her stare. “Anyway, Lincoln called me earlier asking me to cover for him. Something to do with an _emotional emergency_ involving Octavia.” She shrugs when her unsure eyes lock with Clarke’s one more time. “I usually start to work way later.”

Clarke raises her hand, a guilty expression on.

“Hi, nice to meet you. I’m emotional emergency.” The small smile is back to Lexa’s lips and Clarke sighs deeply, letting her eyes wonder to the menu hanging on the wall. “Well, since I’m here I will try something.” She looks back at Lexa, offering her a small smile. “I heard you guys do some really good shit here.” Lexa nods again, shortly, but the lack of verbal response doesn’t bother Clarke. Her eyes are kind enough. “I’ll have Octavia’s favorite, whatever it is. And also a large cup of whatever you suggest me.”

…

Lexa sighs before grabbing her laptop with shaking hands and placing it on her lap.

A few minutes pass before her fingers start to hit the keyboard, but when they finally do they don’t stop for a while.

> _Hi._
> 
> _I should start this message apologizing for disappearing for three days. Explaining such rude behavior. But I’ll save it for later, because I want to tell you a story, first._
> 
> _The story of why I’m writing for you after the longest three days of mankind’s story._
> 
> _I met a girl today. She went to the coffee shop I work at (yes, I work at a coffee shop, and I never mentioned it before because I thought it was too personal and that sharing it could scare you away. And then I told you I was in the system for 5 years, after my parents passed away. Such a coherent behavior.) searching for a friend. They had fought and (I’ll explain to you why she decided to search for her friend there later, I promise. I just don’t want to lose my focus now.) she explained to me, while I was brewing her coffee, that her chest was aching because of the fight. Thar her friend meant the world to her and she couldn’t bear the thought of never speaking to her again._
> 
> _The thought of never speaking to her again because SHE messed up the things (and then she started to laugh and told me she was being overdramatic, that they would probably cry over the coffee lid and make peace before start to argue again, probably about the movie they would watch on movie night. But that isn’t the point here, either. So I’ll save more details for later, again)._
> 
> _The thing is: I don’t think I can sleep another night knowing we may never speak again because I messed up the things. Because I reacted poorly to something that happened three days ago and decided not to reply any of your messages, even the ones in which you begged me for any sign I was alive (well, I did like one of your posts with that intent, but that doesn’t count. I should have done more. You deserved better.)_
> 
> _And I know this message may seem a little desperate. But it’s because I really am._
> 
> _I’m not suggesting we are like these two friends, C. I’m not saying you mean the world to me._
> 
> _But I AM saying I can’t bear the thought of never speaking to you again. Because you do mean something too me (a huge something. Bigger than I expected, to be fair.)_
> 
> _So, if you think I deserve a chance, I’d like to go back to where we stopped._
> 
> _On the day I freaked out I would ask you for your name._
> 
> _…_
> 
> _I’m Alexandra Woods, but I prefer Lexa. And if you’re kind enough, I’m also the lucky friend of a girl who I’m about to find out the name._
> 
> _P.S.: I think I may give this girl free coffee for the rest of her life._

C.'s reply doesn't come on that night.

Neither does her sleep.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Oops! I did that. 
> 
> I really like this chapter and I hope you guys do too. Also, I want to hear your thoughts about Clarke's reaction to Lexa's message, so send me comments.
> 
> Also, thanks for your support, kuddos and comments. You're too nice to me. :)


	6. Chapter 6

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Clarke and Lexa try to deal with the fact they are... well, Clarke and Lexa.

“Are you seriously ignoring her for the second night in a roll?”

Clarke nods, frowning at the tone of green she chose to use on this draw.

“Yes. She did it for three entire days, I’m sure I can be forgiven for doing it for twenty four hours.”

Octavia sighs, glancing at her own phone.

“You can, surely. But my curiosity is killing me since it arrived.”

“We were busy with our particular version of make-up sex, O. It would be rude reading it.”

“Oh, come on. The movie night could have been interrupted for a dramatic reading of her text, Clarke. And it’s not like you didn’t have plenty of opportunities to read it between your classes today.”

She shrugs, her eyes still on the draw in front of her.

“You would have killed me if I have read it without you.”

Octavia frowns before nodding energetically.

“You’re damn right. But I’m here now and we aren’t busy.”

She glances at the color pencil box, reaching for a darker green colored pencil.

“I kinda am. And I don’t want to read her message.”

“Hey, maybe she has a good reason for her behavior. I mean, she could have been abducted by aliens and kept as their hostage for all these days. So let me check the message and if it was the case we will discuss if we are ready to forgive her for not fighting them harder.”

Clarke rolls her eyes but a small smile forms on her lips.

“Well, unless her green captors allowed her internet connection I don’t think this will be the reason behind her disappearance. So no, you can’t read it.”

“But I wanna.”

“Too bad you – hey!”

Her eyes widen when she notices Octavia’s hand wrapping around her phone, and when she reacts to take it back it is already out of her reach.

Octavia is almost pouting at her when she retakes her seat on the middle of her bed.

“Pleeeeeeeease, Griff. You will give up eventually, why can’t you do it now, indulging my curiosity?”

Clarke stares at her, blankly, for a few seconds. Then she lets go of the colored pencil and nods at Octavia, turning her body to observe her more easily.

Octavia grins before unlocking her phone and opening Tumblr. She starts to read under Clarke’s curious gaze, and a few seconds later she is nodding at the phone on her hands and mumbling _you really should_.

A few more seconds pass and she scoffs at something, glancing at Clarke.

“If this message goes where I think it is going I will be the one replying to A.”

Before Clarke can say anything she is back to reading, and soon a light crease is forming on her forehead.

The frown is replaced by a huge smile, but quickly it turns another frown, a deeper one, and Octavia glances at Clarke, quickly and doubtfully.

“You’re killing me –“

Octavia raises her hand, her eyes never leaving the phone. The same eyes which widen a few seconds later.

Clarke swallows anxiously when Octavia’s jaw drops, and her hands are sweaty when her clearly stunned best friend removes her gaze from her phone and their eyes finally lock.

“Oh my God.” Octavia brings her free hand to her mouth, her eyes still wide. “Oh my fucking God.” She shakes her head slowly, her mouth still slightly open.  “I knew you two were a good fit, for fuck’s sake! Also, -” she glances at the phone one more time, and a huge smile is on her lips when she looks back at Clarke. “- she isn’t an old lady, surprisingly.”

Clarke frowns deeply, moving for the edge of her bed.

“What are you talking about, O? She sent me a selfie or something like that? Becau-“

“No. It’s better than that.” She turns to face Clarke, crossing her legs Indian style. “Shut up and listen to me.” She clears her throat, bringing Clarke’s phone closer to her face. “ _Hi. I should start this message apologizing for disappearing for three days. Explaining such rude behavior. But I’ll save it for later, because I want to tell you a story, first.”_ Octavia raises her head, nodding. “And yes, she should. But I’m glad she didn’t because –“

“O, please! You’re killing me. I want to know what she said.”

Octavia smirks widely, arching one eyebrow.

“But I thought you –“

“Shut up and read.”

She snorts at the remark, clearly amused.

“Okay, princess. Your wish is my command.” She brings the phone closer to her face one more time, her tone changing immediately. “ _The story of why I’m writing for you after the longest three days of mankind’s story. I met a girl –“_

“No.” She stands up, starting to pace on the small space between their beds. “I changed my mind. I don’t wa-“

“I thought the story would develop this way too, Clarke. But it didn’t. So chill and hear.”

Clarke nods at her, hesitantly, before taking a seat next to Octavia.

_“I met a girl today. She went to the coffee shop I work at (yes, I work at a coffee shop, and I never mentioned it before because I thought it was too personal and that sharing it could scare you away. And then I told you I was in the system for 5 years, after my parents passed away. Such a coherent behavior.) -”_ Clarke nods, as if agreeing to A’s point, but Octavia doesn’t stop reading “- _searching for a friend. They had fought and (I’ll explain to you why she decided to search for her friend there later, I promise. I just don’t want to lose my focus now.) –“_ Octavia raises her head, mumbling _she is a nitpick, this one_ , before going back to reading _“-she explained to me, while I was brewing her coffee, that her chest was aching because of the fight. Thar her friend meant the world to her and she couldn’t bear –“_

“Stop.” When Octavia glances at Clarke her eyes are wide. “It can’t –“ She sighs, the ending of it turning into a snort. “She can’t be _her_.”

Octavia places a hand on her knee, squeezing it lightly before looking back at the phone.

“- _the thought of never speaking to her again. The thought of never speaking to her again because SHE messed up the things (and then she started to laugh and told me she was being overdramatic, that they would probably cry over the coffee lid –“_

“Oh my fucking God.”

_“- and make peace before start to argue again, probably about the movie they would watch on movie night. But that isn’t the point here, either. So I’ll save more details for later, again).The thing is: I don’t think I can sleep another night knowing we may never speak again because I messed up the things. Because I reacted poorly to something that happened three days ago and decided not to reply any of your messages, even the ones in which you begged me for any sign I was alive (well, I did like one of your posts with that intent, but that doesn’t count. I should have done more. You deserved better.) And I know this message may seem a little –“_

_“I can’t hear the rest, O. I can-”_

She tries to stand but Octavia grips her wrist, smiling encouragingly at her.

“Hey, you can. What she is saying here is amazing, and I’m pretty sure you will agree with me once the shock fades out. So let’s just rip the band aid and let the wound heal, right?”

Clarke nods hesitantly, sighing when Octavia’s fingers interlace with hers.

“Okay, I’m continuing then. _And I know this message may seem a little desperate. But it’s because I really am. I’m not suggesting we are like these two friends, C. I’m not saying you mean the world to me. But I AM saying I can’t bear the thought of never speaking to you again. Because you do mean something too me (a huge something. Bigger than I expected, to be fair.)”_ Octavia looks at Clarke one more time, smirking at her. “Our friend has some game, huh?” Clarke snorts, rolling her eyes, but a dark tone of pink is covering her cheeks now and Octavia giggles before restarting to read. “ _So, if you think I deserve a chance, I’d like to go back to where we stopped. On the day I freaked out I would ask you for your name.”_ Octavia raises her eyes, saying the following words without even looking at her phone _. “I’m Alexandra Woods, but I prefer Lexa.”_ She doesn’t stop, even when a loud gasp leaves Clarke’s parted lips _. “And if you’re kind enough, I’m also the lucky friend of a girl who I’m about to find out the name. P.S.: I think I may give this girl free coffee for the rest of her life.”_ She lowers the phone, locking it before placing it on her bed. And then she squeezes Clarke’s hand. “That was quite a message, huh?”

Clarke just nods, mouth open and eyes wide, and Octavia giggle before leaning forward and wrapping her arms around her.

“What will I do now?” She throws her arms around Octavia’s body, burying her face on her neck. “Oh my God, A is Lexa, O.” She leans back, her eyes impossible wider. “What are the changes of something like that happening?” She stands up, her hand flying to her forehead. “Shit, I am so fucked.”

Octavia shrugs, the grin still on her lips.

“Well, let’s say you should start planning your trip to Las Vegas. You’re going to be a rich bitch.” She reaches for her own phone, unlocking it. “I’m calling Rae. This situation claims for an emergency meeting.”

…

“I vote the tenth option.” She puts a spoonful of ice cream into her mouth before continue her sentence. “Just text her and tell her you don’t believe it either, but you are the girl she met at the coffee shop yesterday.” She wipes the corner of her mouth with the back of her hand, a full grin on her lips. “This is so cool.”

Octavia shakes her head, taking the spoon from Raven’s hands.

“No. I think option six is the best one. Also –“ she glares at the other brunette “- stop being a slouch and spitting ice cream on my duvet.”

This time Clarke is the one shaking her head, her mouth full of Doritos. She swallows before speaking.

“I can’t just show at the coffee shop saying _so Lexa, as you know I’m Clarke but I also go as drawninthesky_. She would freak out. Justifiably.”

“Well, I could ask Lin-“

“No.” Clarke’s eyes are wide and she is shaking her head franticly. “You can’t do that. I don’t know if he knows about writtenbywoods. And you know that not mentioning your friend’s Tumblr identities to your real life acquaintances is kind of a rule, so don’t you dare to spill the beans to your boyfriend.”

Octavia shrugs, sticking the spoon into the ice cream.

“Not my boyfriend, yet. But yeah, okay, whatever you want.”

Clarke releases a breath she didn’t even notice she was holding and glances at her phone.

“Thank you. I’m sure I’ll figure everything out eventually.”

…

_“Fuck.”_

Anya is sitting on the middle of her bed less than two seconds before the curse word leaving Lexa’s lips, her eyes wide and her heart pumping on her chest.

“Who died?” She glances at the door, that is happily still closed. “I didn’t even know you knew how to curse.”

“I’m not in the mood for your jokes, Anya.” She sighs, trembling fingers trying to open a way amongst knotted locks of brow hair. “This is serious.”

“And when it isn’t, Lex?” She sighs tiredly, turning to place her bare feet on the ground. “What did Costia do this time?”

Lexa shakes her head slowly, turning it to face Anya in the dim light of their dorm.

“It wasn’t her.” She sighs again, her eyes widen. “It was _Clarke_.”

The word it’s said as if is being tested by Lexa’s lips and Anya’s frown deepens.

“Clarke? As in Octavia’s and Raven’s best friend Clarke?” Lexa nods unsurely and Anya squints her eyes. “You meet her for the first time two days ago and you told me she seemed nice and now you’re cursing because of her? What did I miss?”

Lexa shrugs, her own brow furrowed.

“It’s her. The, hm, the artist.” Anya’s expression remains puzzled and she sighs deeply, her shoulders dropping. “Clarke is the girl with whom I have been speaking on Tumblr.”

“Holy shit!” Her wide eyes are soon replaced by a huge smirk. “Your gay ass really won the lottery this time.”

“Anya, I’m really losing my mind over here. Some niceness would be appreciated.”

“Shut up Lex. You just told me the amazing girl from Tumblr is the same person as the hot, funny girl Octavia has been trying to push onto you and you expect me to console you?” She shakes her head, standing up. “You’re too weird sometimes.” Lexa just stares at her, the crease on her forehead deep, and Anya snorts loudly. “Come on. Since you woke me up on this ungodly hour of the morning you may go for a run.”

…

“Shut up, O. I already know my answer wasn’t the best. I _know_ I freaked out. No need to point it out for the thousandth time since you read it.”

_“Hi. I’m, hm, kind of mad with you, but it can wait. I’m Clarke. Yes, Clarke, the coffee shop girl. Well’s friend. The next move is yours. I’m waiting.”_ Octavia smirks, shoving Clarke’s shoulder with her own. “You unlocked a new level of self-embarrassment, Griffin. I’m really proud of you.” She laughs when Clarke grunts, nodding towards the coffee shop. “So, what do you want?”

“The same thing she suggested me a few days ago. A Chai latte with extra cinnamon and some caramel. A large one.”

Octavia nods, glancing at the coffee shop door.

“Are you sure you don’t want to go inside?”

Clarke nods immediately.

“I am. I was serious when I told her the next move is hers. I don’t want to impose a connection she doesn’t want to have.”

“You don’t know that, Clarke.” She opens her mouth to speak but Octavia raises one hand, shaking her head. “And no, the fact she didn’t reply yet isn’t an evidence of it, Griff. Let the girl freak out a bit. You surely did the same.”

She sighs loudly before nodding and pointing at a few benches close to The Grounders’ lateral wall.

“I’ll wait for you right there, okay?”

Octavia nods, and then she is gone.

…

Her eyes widen when she spots Octavia entering the coffee shop and her heart just starts to beat again when she is sure the brunette is alone.

“Hi Lexa.” She turns to the pastry case, where a curious Anya is standing. “Hey, stranger.”

Anya raises her hand and Octavia looks back at Lexa, a smile on her lips, and Lexa forces herself to nod, her sweaty hands gripping the edge of the counter.

“Hello, Octavia.” She takes a deep breath and she is sure the other woman can notice her anxiety, but she can’t bring herself to calm down. “Lincoln isn’t here.”

“Oh, I know.” The smile widens and Octavia shrugs. “Sometimes I come here exclusively for the coffee, y’know.” Lexa nods shortly at her, looking at the cashier machine. “I want a large Latte and a large Chai Latter with extra cinnamon and –“

“Some caramel.” Lexa sighs again, her hesitant eyes now locked with Octavia’s. “Where is she?”

“Wait for me on one of those benches near the lateral door.” Octavia shrugs again, the smile disappearing from her lips. “She is determined to give you some space. And the fact she is really embarrassed about the content of her reply isn’t helping either.”

Lexa nods again, and suddenly Anya is standing next to her and reaching for the lace which is tying the apron to her body.

“What do you think about a special delivery, Octavia?”

Octavia grins widely.

“I think it would be highly appreciated.”

Lexa is looking back and forth between them and Anya places a hand over her shoulder, squeezing it reassuringly.

“I will cover for you, Lex.” She grins, gesturing towards the bar area. “Make the damn beverage and go.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Yeah, I know. I wasn't expecting to post so quickly too, but the chapter wrote itself today and it didn't seem right to keep you waiting for it. Anyway, the next update will probably take a little longer :)


	7. Chapter 7

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The expected meeting finally happens. Oh, and also... Clarke's friends are little shits ;)

She decides to busy herself with her phone while she waits for Octavia to come back with a warm piece of heaven on her hands. And she – _sort of_ \- sticks to her resolve, despite the obstinacy of her eyes, which insist in wander towards the lateral door.

Some students – and their uncountable books - are occupying the tables immediately next to it, and Anya is standing next to the pastry case, her expression unreadable. But the cashier machine isn’t on her field of view so neither is Lexa. Or Octavia.

So she forces her eyes to stare at the screen of the phone squeezed by a nervous hand, and she doesn’t even mind the fact they aren’t doing their job and reading the words on it. It must be her brain – or her heart, she isn’t sure – fault.

A deep sigh leaves her lips when the lateral door opens and she locks her phone, tucking it into her backpack and zipping it before grabbing the strap and throwing it over her shoulder, grateful for Octavia’s return and willing to create some physical distance between her and the source of her uneasiness.

“Thank you for being the female - and hotter, by the way - version of The Flash, O. I owe –“

The brunette in front of her isn’t the one she was expecting and her eyes widen at the sight of a clearly anxious Lexa standing a few inches from her.

“Clarke.” The earthquake caused inside her chest by the sound of her name being _so reverently_ pronounced by Lexa – for the first time ever in her presence – tells her she is more screwed than she thought, and she silent prays for her brain not to have turned into mush, like the rest of her body just did. When it becomes clear it wasn’t the case and the words fail to leave her mouth Lexa clears her throat, handing her the large cup of her new favorite beverage. “Octavia ordered it for you.”

Clarke nods after a few seconds, grabbing the cup carefully – she doesn’t think their hands _accidentally_ touching would bring any good to this already fucked up situation.

She allows herself to look at Lexa, though. To _really_ look at her.

She already knew she was beautiful and that her eyes were _drawable_ , but at their previous encounter she was too preoccupied with other things to fully dive on Lexa and her beauty.

And she is glad the first time she is _really seeing_ Lexa is after discovering she is also A, because this adds so many nice touches to her perception of who is the human being standing in front of her in all her complexity.

Her eyes aren’t just green, stunning, deep and a little sad, but also gentle and caring, and it fits very well to A and all the things she knows and imagines – and sometimes dreams – about her.

Her jaw line is well defined and when it is tense – almost clenched – how it is now it screams stoicism, self-preservation. But the soft and delicate contour of her lips confirms to her that the well-constructed façade isn’t impervious, final.

She lets her eyes travel to the soft line draw on the side of the skin between her nose and her mouth, then to the high and incredible well defined cheekbones. And then they inevitable go back to Lexa’s eyes.

It’s only when a frown form on Lexa’s forehead that she notices she has been staring for too long, and she kicks her brain back into gear immediately.

“Hm, yeah. Thanks.”

Lexa’s eyes wide almost imperceptibly – if Clarke wasn’t so focused on her face she would have lost it - and then she nods, shortly.

“I’m sorry. You’re uncomfortable. I shouldn’t have –“

“No.” Suddenly her hand is grabbing Lexa’s wrist and she lets it falls hurriedly, shaking her head frantically. “No, I’m not. I swear. I just wasn’t expecting to see you and we both know my reactions aren’t the best when you surprise me.” She blushes at the thought of the first time they had exchanged messages “in real time”, a small smile appearing on her lips. “But I’m happy you’re here. I really am. Like, hm, big time.”

She gives herself a mental pat on her back when Lexa nods again and her jaw relaxes a little.

“I need to apologize for my lack of response. For both of them, actually. But I’ll start with the easier one.” She sighs, and Clarke almost feels bad for Lexa’s empty hands, because she seems to be struggling to find out what to do with them – she is very glad for her cup of Chai and for the strap of her backpack. “I was busy today, with classes and work and overthinking, and I didn’t have time enough to think about the best way to reply to your message.”

Clarke snorts lowly, waving dismissively.

“Please. That mess of a message didn’t even deserve a reply.”

“It wasn’t messy.” She shrugs, her eyes wandering away briefly. “I don’t think there is a right way to respond to such an event. You were surprised and –“ she shrugs again, the corner of her lips curling into an almost imperceptible smile “- we both know your reactions aren’t the best when you’re surprised.”

Clarke smiles widely at the teasing, nodding.

“I guess you are right. Because damn, that was a surprise indeed.”

Lexa nods, glancing at the inside of the coffee shop quickly.

“I don’t have time now to explain to you why I didn’t reply to you for three days. But I owe –“

“No, you don’t owe me anything, Lexa. Life gets in the way sometimes. I get it.”

“I want to explain it to you, Clarke.”

She doesn’t know why, but her heart warms at Lexa’s words. So she nods, smiling.

“We will talk, then. Are you going to the party, tomorrow? I know parties aren’t you thing but if you go I wouldn’t be alone when all of our friends decide to disappear. But I totally get if you need to work,  and then maybe I could come here in the middle of the party to make you company. I mean, if you’re good with it. If you aren’t I’ll just send you tons of messages and –“

“Clarke.” She stops talking, her eyes locked with Lexa’s amused ones. “You’re rambling.”

Clarke groans, lowering her gaze, and Lexa smiles at her, nodding.

“I’ll go. Anya made sure I wasn’t working tomorrow.”

“Great! Do you want to meet before it? To, you know, make sure we will really meet or something like that?”

Lexa seems to think for a second and then she nods shortly.

“I’ll send you my number later.” She shrugs, lowering her gaze. “It’ll be easier to communicate this way.”

Clarke nods immediately,

“Yes. Tumblr messaging system sucks.” She smiles at Lexa, raising the cup on her hands on her direction. “Thanks for this. And I guess I’ll see you tomorrow.”

Lexa just nods, and then she is gone.

And Clarke takes a seat on the bench again, her heart thumping inside her chest.

…

“Well, to be fair, if your brother wasn’t a total weirdo she wouldn’t be losing her shit right now.”

Octavia rolls her eyes before reaching for her phone, frowning at something she reads before starting to type out a reply.

“Oh yeah, because if my bother didn’t decide to be a rebel and to throw a weird Halloween party she wouldn’t have to freak out about what to wear, right? She would just show up at the party naked.”

Raven shrugs, her eyes never leaving Clarke.

“She would just wear some sluty costume, O. We both know that.”

“I can hear you, you know that, right? Also, what a shame, Rae. And to think you call yourself a feminist.”

Raven grins widely, and Octavia snorts loudly.

“Anyway, could you just pick a  jacket so we can go? We are almost late.”

“But I ne-“

“Actually, we are already late. Anya just texted to let me know they are in the front of our building waiting for us.”

 Clarke’s neck snap towards them and her eyes widen, and Octavia snorts one more time.

“Your ass and your tits are looking extremely _bangable_ on this outfit, Griff. I’m pretty sure Lexa will start drooling as soon as she lays eyes on you. So shut up and pick something to cover some skin, we don’t want to see her squirming uncomfortably, do we?”

Clarke groans before reaching for her black leather jacket, a small pout on her lips.

“I really don’t know why I am friends with you two.”

…

They are on their second beers when Clarke notices the tenseness on Lexa’s shoulders and the distressed look on her eyes.

She glances at the backyard’s door before locking eyes with Lexa’s, leaning forward on her tiptoes and raising her voice.

“Do you want to go outside?” She is used to Bellamy’s parties and its impressive crowds and _she_ is feeling a little claustrophobic here, so there’s no wonder why Lexa is looking so uneasy next to her. “I don’t think our missing friends would mind.”

A small smile forms on Lexa’s lips when she nods, and Clarke can’t fight against a smile herself.

“I’d appreciate that, yes.” She steps closer to Clark when two sweaty and clearly drunk boys stumble into her, making her spill some bear on her jeans, and Clarke is quick to reach for her arm, pulling her even closer very gently. “Do you think we could go –“

“Claaaaaaaaaarkey.”

Suddenly Clarke’s side is pressed against Lexa’s chest, the brunette’s free hand on her waist and Wells’ arms tightly wrapped around her neck. “You’re here.” He is grinning, but the smile turns into a frown when she notices Lexa standing next to them. “And you’re here too.”

He untangles his arms, stumbling backwards, and Lexa let’s go of Clarke’s waist when she steps forward, trying to keep Wells on his feet.

“Are you drunk already? When did you –“

“Are O and Raven forcing you to hang out with her because you need to get laid? She -”

“Wells!”

Her eyes are wide and his frown deepens, the puzzled look still on his eyes.

“What? You don’t like people like her, Princess. She is too quiet.”

“For fuck’s sake, Wells. You’re –“

“Princess, you’re here!” Jasper stops next to them, a huge grin on his lips, but before Clarke could say anything he is turning to face Wells and reaching for his elbow. “Come on, Jaha. I found us some hot chicks.”

Wells waves excitedly at her when Jasper starts to drag him away, and Clarke stares at them until they are swallowed by the crowd.

A loud groan leaves her lips when she buries her face on her free hand, but soon a gentle hand is wrapping around her elbow.

“Are you ready to go outside?”

Goose bumps spread across her body when the whispered words and Lexa’s cool breathing meet the warm skin of her neck and she turns to look at Lexa, who is staring at her with _the_ stoic expression. When she nods Lexa lets go of her arm, turning and already starting to open their way amongst the loud and excited mass, and Clarke is quick in following her, warping an hesitant hand around her wrist not to get lost.

Lexa’s shoulders relax the instant they step outside, and she drags her to a bench before letting go of her arm.

The words start to leave her mouth before they are comfortably sitting.

“I’m so fucking sorry –“

“You shouldn’t apologize for something it wasn’t your fault, Clarke.” Lexa leans forward to place her bottle on the ground before letting her body fall backwards, tucking her hands into the pockets of her baseball jacket. “Also, he was at least partially right. I _am_ a quiet person.”

Clarke shrugs, her fingers playing with the neck of the bottle of now warm-ish beer.

“Yet, it was rude. And unnecessary.” She snorts, shaking her head. “And so fucking embarrassing.”

“I’ll need to agree with you on this one.”

Clarke throws her a glare, slapping her arm lightly, and she laughs lowly.

“Shut up, Lexa.” She sighs before mirroring Lexa’s early actions, letting her eyes wander to the sky. “And I don’t need to get laid.”

Lexa laughs again, louder this time.

“Well, that’s not what Raven said to Anya two weeks ago.”

Clarke’s eyes widen again and she groans one more time, closing her eyes.

“I think I need to get rid of all of my friends.”

“All of them?”

The amusement is clear on Lexa’s voice and Clarke opens her eyes, turning her head to look at her.

“No. But if you keep laughing at me this will change pretty quickly.”

Lexa’s smile is so carefree and genuine that Clarke doesn’t even care if it also carries a hint of amusement.

“You will have a lot of chances to laugh at me too, I’m sure. Anya lives to annoy and embarrass me.”

Clarke nods at her before turning back to the sky, and the muffled sounds of the party coming from the inside are the only ones to break the silence now.

Until she decides to talk again – and this time she has no one to blame for her embarrassment other than herself.

“I like you, you know.” She keeps her eyes on the stars, despite feeling Lexa’s stare. “I mean, maybe you’re quieter than my other friends, but it’s not like you could be more flamboyant than Octavia and Raven.” She sighs deeply, annoyed at her incoherency. “Fuck. What I’m trying to –“

“I understand, Clarke. And I’m not quiet when it comes to you.” She feels the moment Lexa’s eyes leave her, her whole body relaxing immediately. “Anya always says I could use more friends. That I could open up to more people. But that’s not the way I deal with my emotions, making friends. I do it by writing. So you were a surprise for me. _The way I opened up to you was a surprise._ ”

Clarke nods, because she understands what Lexa is trying to say. _She believes in her words._

“Were you scared?” Now she is the one turning her head and staring at Lexa, whose eyes are focused on the ground. “That’s the reason you stopped messaging me for a while?”

She regrets letting the words out immediately, and when Lexa’s jaw clenches she is ready to apologize. But then she shakes her head, and Clarke feels her body relaxing again.

“No. I was feeling scared, even if only slightly. But that wasn’t the reason I stopped messaging you.” She turns her head, her eyes locking with Clarke’s, and Clarke wants to hug her and make the pain she spots there go away. But she refrains herself, hoping her eyes convey her supportiveness well enough. “Do you remember when I told you I was living on the system for a few years?” Clarke nods promptly, and Lexa nods shortly too, taking a deep breath. “I lived for five years at an orphanage. From the day my parents died on a car accident until the day Uncle Gus found me there.” She sighs again, clearly distressed, but her eyes don’t leave Clarke’s. “During those years I learned to be quiet. Because even if I wanted to speak, no one wanted to listen to me. I found out I had something to say again only when I started to trust my _new_ family. But I think I only truly found my voice again when I met _her_ and let her in.” She turns her head, her eyes wandering towards the dark sky, and Clarke bits her bottom lip, her anxious eyes focused only on Lexa and her reactions. “We dated and it ended pretty badly. And even if I did some healing, sometimes I don’t know how to react to the things related to her.” Another sigh leaves her lips before she looks at Clarke again, and all the pain is gone from her eyes now, a hint of guilty being the only emotion there. “I met her at one corridor, unexpectedly, and that was the reason I stopped messaging you. I was grumpy and in the middle of my grumpiness I momentarily forgot I had someone willing to hear me.”

Lexa’s words make Clarke’s heart ache in the best way possible, warmness spreading across her body, and a small but genuine smile forms on her lips.

“I’m very happy you know you have someone willing to hear you. Because I really _really_ am willing to do that.”

“I know.” Lexa smiles back at her, nodding. “ _And I’m not used to be this dense this soon_ , but I’m really glad to have someone who isn’t family willing to hear me and to be heard by me.”

“Well –“ She shrugs, her smile widening “I was really concerned when you disappeared. Then you liked that damn post and I was so fucking mad at you. I was _so mad_ that I even refused to read your message that night, and I just did it eventually because Octavia is too annoying and insistent.” Lexa’s cheeks are slightly colored, and Clarke grins at it. “And I promised myself I’d give you a piece of my mind before informing you I missed your too polite messages during that dark days, but since you decided to be _this dense this soon_ I think I can forgive you already.”

“If you think I deserve it, I’d appreciate it very much.” Lexa’s own smile is huge now, and she shrugs with one shoulder before looking away. “Or I could keep delivering you your favorite beverage at the moment until you decided that keeping me around is a good deal.”

“Oh my God. There is something that my nosy friends didn’t tell you yet?”

Lexa giggles at Clarke’s wide eyes, shaking her head.

“I don’t think so. But I heard some interesting things from Anya and Lincoln about Raven and Octavia and I’m willing to share them with you if you’re seeking for revenge.”

Clarke grins again, nodding.

“I think I’m already convinced that having you around is a good deal.”

…

“Stop groaning and rubbing her eyes, Princess. We wanna hear the details about your night with Lexa, so spill.”

“Ugh.” She stops trying to pull the blanket over her head, pushing Raven away before taking a seat against the wall, yawning. “You’re annoying, you know that?”

Raven and Octavia nod, looking like they didn’t sleep at all and with matching grins on their faces.

“She’s totally a bottom, right? I be-“

“Octavia!” She snorts loudly, her eyes wide. “We didn’t do anything!”

Raven turns to Octavia’s bed, pointing a finger at her.

“Told you so. She is too smitten to do anything.”

She blushes, biting the inside of her cheeks not to groan again.

“I’m not smitten. But, hm, yeah, we didn’t do anything. We just talked, she explained to me why she stopped messaging me. And then she walked me here and went back to her dorm.”

“Alone?”

Clarke nods at Raven, covering her mouth when a loud yawn escapes between her lips.

“Why?”

Raven shrugs, crawling towards Clarke and laying her head on her thigh.

“Anya was kinda concerned about leaving Lexa’s side at the party. It seemed Lexa is scared of Halloween or something like that.” She closes her eyes when Clarke’s fingers start to caress her scalp. “Anyway, did you enjoy the night, despite the lack of action?”

“I did.” Octavia squeaks at the goofy smile on her lips and she shrugs, closing her eyes and letting her head fall against the wall. “She is everything I imagined and more. Like, she is sweet and funny, and despite the stoic thing that she has going one, she is very kind and caring. I enjoyed her company very much.”

“And when you will try to find out if you enjoy having her on your bed too?”

Clarke smirks, her eyes still closed and her fingers still moving.

“Why? Do you want to know if she is as good in bed as her cousin, Rae?”

Raven’s eyes shot open and less than two seconds pass before Octavia is climbing on Clarke’s bed.

“You little shit! Why didn’t we hear about you screwing Anya yet?”

Raven groans loudly, closing her eyes again.

“I already dislike Lexa very much.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I don't know how I feel about this chapter yet. Let me know if you like it, though.
> 
> Have a nice week, everyone!! :)


	8. Chapter 8

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Basically lots of Clexa fluff with a plot twist. Ops.

He looks around the restaurant, a small smiling forming on his lips when he spots the wild blonde mane.

Nodding at himself, he starts to walk towards their table, noticing that Raven goes silent when she notices his presence. Less than two seconds later Clarke is glancing over her shoulder before standing up and reaching for her tray, and he tries to grab her arms, but stops the move when he notices it will end sending his own tray to the ground.

“Oh, come on, Clarke.” He raises his voice, hoping his runaway friend is still hearing his words. “It’s been almost a week and I already said I’m sorry.”

“Fuck you, Wells.”

Wells sighs dejectedly at her loud words, ignoring the pitiful glances he is receiving and placing his tray on the table before taking a sit next to Raven.

“I know I was rude to Lexa or something like that, and caring, concerned Clarke is too good to let my rudeness slip. But damn, it’s not like I attacked you or Octavia, for fuck’s sake.”

Raven stares at him for a couple of seconds before leaning over the table and squeezing his shoulder.

“You should talk to her, Jaha.”

He snorts lowly, shaking his head.

“I’ve been trying to do that since Sunday, Rae. She clearly doesn’t want to talk to me.”

“I’m not talking about small talk, your idiot. Okay, yes, I recognize that you need to apologize again for your behavior, and then maybe she will explain to you why she overreacted, which I’m sure she already knows she did, by the way.” She smiles sadly at him, shrugging with one shoulder. “I’m saying you should spill the beans to her. Take it all out of your chest before it ruins your friendship.” His eyes go wide, and she starts opens his mouth to deny Raven’s implication, but she shakes her head. “Do you remember those I.Q. tests I was submitted to, right? I’m a certified genius, Jaha. Denying your feelings for Clarke will only make you really lame.”  

He sighs again, his untouched food getting cold in front of him.

“Fuck.” He sighs again, deeper this time. “She is into Lexa, right? I should have guessed it would happen. It’s so typical of Clarke going head over heels for some strange she –“

“Wells, talk to her.”

He inhales deeply, casting Raven a worried glance.

“She doesn’t like me this way, right? She –“

“Wells.”

He lets his back fall towards the chair, sighing and nodding.

“Yeah, I know. I’ll talk to her.”

…

“Clarke. Hey.”

Clarke smiles at the girl, throwing her backpack on the table carefully.

“Luna, hey.” She looks around the crowded place quickly, her smile widening. “I’m so glad these folks decided to save me my favorite spot.” She plops on the armchair, sighing contentedly. “Busy shift, huh?”

“Yes. Very much, what is cool. Lexa was a little sleepy when we started, but now the fear of burning her fingers with hot coffee is keeping her awake.” She glances at the bar area, where the brunette is talking to another girl. “Well, that and the fact she is training Ontari.”

Clarke looks at them too, her smile widening.

“She told me she is having a hard time training her. Something to do with her _refusal to acknowledge knowledge and hierarchy_.” She looks back at Luna, who is nodding and grinning too. “Her words, not mine.”

“And she is right. It’s a piece of work, this one. But Indra believes in her potential and we wouldn’t dare to disagree with her, so.” Clarke nods, and Luna throws the clot on her hand over her shoulder. “Anyway, the usual?”

“Hm, yeah. And if you can get Lexa to deliver it for me, I’d like that very much.”

Luna nods again, smiling wider.

“That can be arranged. But just because I like have you around.” She shrugs, the smile still on her lips. “Lexa isn’t that grumpy when you are in her sight and your presence makes her more talkative. So thank you.”

She winks at Clarke before turning and leaving, collecting some plates from another table before heading towards Lexa.

Clarke’s grin widens when Lexa turns to face her with an almost imperceptible smile on her lips, after being alerted by Luna of her presence. A few minutes later a plate with a hot cinnamon roll is placed in front of her and a she is sipping a warm chai latte.

She hums contentedly before placing the cup back on the table, locking eyes with the girl standing in front of her.

“Luna said you were sleepy before. Are you still having troubles to sleep?”

Lexa shakes her head promptly.

“No. And that’s the problem. When I don’t feel the need to sleep these night shifts are my paradise. But now the lack of proper sleep has been bothering me, so I walk around the coffee shop yawning, which is a contra sense.”

Clarke giggles at her, putting a forkful of food into her mouth.

“Can’t deny that it is at least a little funny.” She glances wonderingly at the empty armchair next to hers, biting the corner of her bottom lip. “I supposed you can’t join me right now, right?”

“Your supposition is right, sadly.”

Clarke nods, reaching for her backpack.

“Okay then. I’ll just be here, on your sight, sketching. Until the lack of sleep starts to bother me too or Octavia texts me letting me know the coast is clear.”

Lexa smiles at her, nodding.

“Be my guest. I’ll bring you another warm beverage when you finish this one. But maybe something decaffeinated, if you’re planning to sleep tonight. It’s late.”

Clarke nods one more time, grinning.

“I’ll drink whatever you choose to bring me, Lexa. I trust you.”

Lexa turns to leave, but then stops, glancing at the sketchpad that is now on Clarke’s hand and nodding towards it hesitantly.

“I’d like to see them eventually, if you’re comfortable with it.”

Clarke frowns, glancing at the closed book too.

“But you already did that?”

“Not in person. And just a few of them. So, could I, maybe, touch them sometime?”

Clarke snorts, rolling her eyes.

“Of course you can, you dork.”

Lexa grins at her, and then she is gone.

…

“You can’t avoid him forever.”

“I know.”

“And you’re clearly overreacting.”

Clarke’s fingers stop moving, but her eyes don’t leave the screen of her laptop. A few seconds pass before she nods, turning her head to look at Octavia.

“Hm, yeah. I guess. But he said I was only hanging out with her because you were forcing me too, O. And it could have triggered so –“

“He doesn’t know that, Clarke.”

“Of course he doesn’t, Octavia. But that’s not the point. Or it is exactly the point. I mean, not knowing people and their struggles is kind of the reason to be kind to them.”

Octavia sighs loudly, tilting her head slightly.

“I hate when you are a smartass, Griff. Anyway, yes, you’re right. He was an ass to Lexa. But he is one of your best friends, _the oldest one_ , so I think you should try the being kind thing with him too.” She shrugs, looking back at her own laptop. “He doesn’t even know why Lexa means so much to you, Clarke. And I get the whole not being idiots to random strangers thing, but it’s not like we don’t do it from time to time.”

Several seconds pass before Clarke nods, her own eyes flying back to her work.

“You’re right.”

“And when I am wrong?” Clarke snorts loudly and Octavia grins proudly, shrugging. “And that should be evidence enough for you to believe me when I say Wells is so –“

“Shut up, Octavia. Shut the fuck up.”

…

_Hey._

**Hi, Clarke.**

_What are u up to?_

**I’m studying at the library.**

_I’m very disappointed, Alexandra Woods._

**What? Why?**

_I gave you that joke on a silver plate…_

_…_

_COME ON, LEXA_.

**I can’t believe I’ll actually say it but…**

**… I solemnly swear that I am up to no good.**

_THAT’S MY GIRL <3_

_Anyway, stop being at the library and start being with me._

_Having lunch with me, I mean._

_And by me I mean Octavia, Raven and I. I want my best friends to know my newest dear friend better._

**I think I should bound with them at a more appropriated time, Clarke. I need to finish this research.**

_…_

_Have you ever heard about Google, Lexa?_

**Clarke.**

_We will be waiting for you outside the library in ten. Don’t make us wait._

_Neither force us to invade the library and drag your perky ass outs_

_Sorry, Raven stole my phone. Anyway, I promise the two beasts will be at their best behavior today. You have nothing to fear._

_Leeeeeeexa, where is my answer?_

_Hey, I can see that you’re typing. If you’re gonna put up a fight delete the reply and start to type another one. One that will please me._

**I’ll be there.**

_You’re the best, Lex. <3_

**I’m hungry and skipping lunch would be illogical. That’s all.**

_Whatever helps you to sleep at night, sweetie._

…

“But I appreciate the night shifts, Indra.”

Indra smiles at her, placing the pen she was using over a blank sheet.

“You like them when you are struggling to get some proper rest and lately you haven’t been doing that, which means you are secretly hatting them.”

Lexa shakes her head promptly, her expression still impassive.

“No, I’m not. And your other baristas yawn too. I don’t see why it becomes a problem only when I’m the one doing that.” She sighs, her shoulders almost brushing against the tips of her ears. “I’m still doing my job as good as ever.”

Indra nods shortly, interlacing her hands over the table.

“I’m not disputing this fact, Lexa. You’re very competent and we are lucky to have you working with us. But I’m not backing out here. You will start to work in four hour’s shifts, five days a week, like all of my other baristas.” She smiles at Lexa, and the gesture is clearly apologetic. “I need to give Ontari a chance, Lexa. And your uncles would kill me if you showed up for your Christmas break with bags under your eyes.”

Lexa sighs, her stoic expression breaking for a second. Then it is back and she is nodding shortly.

“I understand. And I think Anya would be the one doing that, if that matters.” She stands up, her eyes still locked with Indra’s. “May I finish my shift now?”

“Yes. And don’t forget that you leave in two hours.” Lexa nods again, walking towards the door. It’s only when she is already leaving Indra’s office that she speaks again. “And Lexa? If you start to struggle again we will change your shift one more time. Don’t worry about it.”

…

A small smile forms on Lexa’s lips when she sees Clarke entering the coffee shop, but it is replaced by a frown as soon as she notices the pout on her lips.

She waves back at Clarke when she raises her hand in an awkward and unusual greeting, and a puzzled expression is on her face when Luna approaches her and leans against the counter, her eyes focused on Clarke too.

“Do you think she knows she is pouting?” Lexa shakes her head slowly, and Luna waves at Clarke when she glances quickly at them. “Well, it’s a good thing your shift ends in –“ she glances at her watch quickly “- one minute and a half. This way you can break the news to her.”

She nods again, and a few minutes later she is standing next to a still frowning Clarke.

“Hello, Clarke.”

She glances at the paper bag on Lexa’s hand before raising her head and locking eyes with her, a small smile appearing on her lips when Lexa offers her a paper cup.

After a split second she is sipping the warm beverage, and a low moan leaves her lips, her eyes shutting closed.

“Oh God. This tricky is getting old but it never fails to amaze me.”

Lexa smiles herself, glancing at Clarke’s backpack before looking at her again.

“Do you want to go for a walk? I got you a cinnamon roll to go.”

Clarke nods immediately, locking her phone and throwing it into her backpack, waving at Luna before following Lexa outside.

“I didn’t think you would come here today.”

“I wasn’t planning to do it, to be fair. But I was trying to write that damn essay and I couldn’t type a sentence, so I decided to call my mother and _fuck me and my horrible ideas_. And it wasn’t –“ she opens the paper bag, bringing it to her mouth and taking a bite of her cinnamon roll, barely chewing on it before continuing “- like I could tell O why I was upset and anxious because she would give me the full lecture about the fact all my works for my art class are already done and Raven would nod and throw in my face that I’m already failing epically at this pre med stuff and –“

“Hey.” She reaches for Clarke’s forearm, squeezing it lightly before retracting her hand. “Breathe, Clarke.”

Clarke nods before inhaling and exhaling deeply, twice. Then she sighs, nodding again.

“I’m sorry. I’m just frustrated because I called my mom to ramble about life and its suckyness and she dismissed my anxiety, telling me that everything will be fine, that med school will be even harder to face and that I should stop being weak and get used to it. And I wanted to yell at her that it is my life we were talking about, that I’m the one who have to figure it all, to plan it, _not her_. But I couldn’t do it, so I just mumbled goodbye and grabbed my things. Next thing I know I’m storming into The Grounders.”

Lexa nods, glancing at Clarke when she brings the cup to her lips.

“I’m sorry, Clarke. Not about your destination, because I’m always happy to expend time with you, but for your mom’s reaction. Because your anxiety is valid, your feelings are valid, and you should be able to talk to someone about them. To take them off of your chest in a different way.”

Clarke sighs loudly, deeply. Then she smiles, looking at Lexa.

“I already do that. I mean, it’s not like I have only my draws. I have you too, now.” She stops briefly to throw the empty cup into a trash can, putting the last piece of food into her mouth before doing the same with the paper bag. “And I know I have Octavia and Raven too, and I’m so grateful for it. It’s just –“ she sighs again, shrugging “- they want to help me on their way, offering me what they _think_ I need. But I just need someone to list to me without judging my life choices or pointing out what I already know. I need someone to endure my complaining self until I grow some lady ball’s and decide to do what I really love to do.” She glances at Lexa, a small but genuine smile on her lips. “You’re this someone.”

The corner of Lexa’s lips turn into a smile, and she unconsciously steps closer to Clarke, their shoulder and their hands brushing against each other.

“I’m glad to help.” She shrugs again, the corner of her mouth curling into a smile. “Even if I feel that you’re only in this friendship for free food and beverages.”

Clarke stops walking, her eyes opening and her jaw dropping.  

“Lexa Woods, you didn’t!” Lexa grins, shrugging, and Clarke starts to walk again, shoving her shoulder against hers and soon as they are side by side again. “You were really mean but I’m happy to notice you’re improving your capacity to joke.”

“It wasn’t a joke.”

Clarke snorts at her composed, stoic expression, rolling her eyes.

“Whatever, Lex. Now, enough about me. Tell me why you are already free and wearing civilian clothes. Was your shift shorter today?”

Lexa steps even closer to Clarke, trying to divert a group of students standing on a sidewalk.

“You know the uniform I wear falls, technically, into the ‘civilian clothes’ category, right?” Another snort is heard, a louder one this time. “Also, I hate to be the person who breaks the bad news to you, but I’m completely sure that suckyness isn’t a word.”

“Oh my God, Lexa. Shut the fuck up, will you?”

…

“No fucking way I’m watching another sci fi movie.” Octavia is glaring at Raven, her arms folded in front of her chest and her lips pursed. “I’m tired to watch gross baby aliens ravaging ladies’ bellies and you already picked the movie we watched last weekend, which means tonight is my turn to pick a masterpiece.”

Raven snorts loudly, mirroring Octavia’s position.

“Saving Private Ryan is hardly a masterpiece, Blake.”

“But Lexa likes it too! We are the majority.” She turns to glare at Lexa, who seems comprehensively uncomfortable and surprisingly scared. “Aren’t we, Le-“

“You aren’t the majority if Clarke gangs up with me, which she will completely do because I’m her best friend.”

Octavia’s jaw drops, and she points her index finger to Raven, stepping closer to her.

“Shut up, Raven. _I_ am her best friend.”

“So I’m her _bestest_ friend or whatever, Octavia. The fact is she is –“ she turns to look at Clarke, who is standing next to Lexa with wide eyes “ganging up with me. Right, C?”

“You’re so immature.” When Octavia smirks and Raven opens her mouth to complain Clarke raises a finger, shaking her head. “You are.” She glances at Octavia, who seems incredibly smug. “I’m referring to _both_ of you, and that’s the reason we are watching Armageddon tonight, which is clearly the perfect choice to all of us.”

“What NASA does isn’t scientific fiction, Clarke!”

“And preventing the collision of an asteroid against Earth isn’t even war!”

Raven nods enthusiastically at Octavia’s words, her eyes burning holes on Clarke’s face.

“Yeah. You just want to watch it to cry listening to that crappy sticky song and to droll all over Ben Affleck’s baby face.”

Clarke jaws drops and she shakes her head promptly.

“No, I don’t.”

“Yes, you –“

“We could all droll over Liv Tyler’s baby face, instead.” Suddenly three pairs of eyes are on Lexa and she shrugs shyly. “It’s a great one.”

Raven and Octavia snort loudly, the last one shaking her head.

“Of fucking course you would gang up with Griffin. I don’t know why –“

“Hey, girls.”

The room goes silently immediately, and all of them turn to look at Wells, who is standing at the TV room’s doorframe with a serious expression on his face.

“Wells, hey.” Octavia steps forward, glancing quickly at Clarke before looking back at him. “Are you here for movie night?”

He shakes his head, his eyes searching for Clarke’s.

“I’m here to talk with Clarke, if that’s okay with her.”

Raven nods, stepping forwards too.

“Oh, yeah. I think that’s completely cool with her. And it’s not like we had a movie to watch, anyway.”

Clarke snorts, rolling her eyes.

“Actually, I don’t –“ her eyes lock with Lexa’s and the small nod Lexa offers her makes her sigh. “Okay, Wells. She steps forward too, pointing a finger at him. “But if you came here expecting to fix a bullet hole with a Band-Aid you can get lost. Now.”

Octavia and Raven snort loudly, the last one reaching for Lexa’s arm and already dragging her towards the kitchen.

“Come on, Lexa. Let’s find out if is as hard for us to choose something to eat together as choosing a movie is.”

Lexa glances at Clarke one last time, concern clear on her eyes, and Clarke offers her a small smile. It’s only when they are done that Clarke turns to Wells, gesturing to the couch.

“Let’s do it.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm sorry for the lack of updates. These past weeks were particularly hard and I didn't have a lot of time - or desire - to write.
> 
> Anyway, I hope you like this new chapter. And that you have a great weekend as well!


	9. Chapter 9

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Some feelings are revealed, fluffiness ensues and the past pays a visit to Raven.

“You’re missing the point, Wells.” She sighs tiredly, one hand running through her hair. “I’m not mad at you because you were a jerk to Lexa. I’m mad at you because you were a jerk to someone who didn’t do anything to deserve it. And it’s not like it was the first time you acted this way.”

He huffs frustrated, letting his head fall towards the back of the couch.

“I’m sure that if you didn’t trust everyone so easily my behavior wouldn’t be a problem.”

“What?” She snorts lowly, shaking her head. “Are you even listening to what I’m saying? Because it has nothing to do with people I trust, Wells. It has nothing to do with me knowing the person or not. It has to do with you descending from your pedestal and being kind to people just because, surprise, they are human beings, like you. They are your equals.” His jaw is clenched and she sighs deeply before bringing one hand to your his knee. “Look, I know your dad is behaving weirdly lately and –“

“This has nothing to do with my father’s behavior, Clarke.” He shifts uncomfortably on the couch, making Clarke retreat her hand from his knee. “This has everything to do with the fact you’re head over heels for Lexa, who you know for less than a month.”

“Don’t talk about what you don’t know, Jaha. And stop making this a _Lexa thing_. I already told you –“

“You’re in love with her and -”

“That’s not the point.”

“- I’m in love with you.”

The breathe catches on her throat but she swallows the lump on it quickly.

“And that’s not the point either.” She stands up with a sigh, crouching in front of him. “Hey, look at me. I love you deeply. You’re my best friend, the first one I ever had. You’re like a big brother to me.” She reaches for his hands, holding it gently. “And I’m here for you. Always. We can talk, you can cry on my shoulder, we can curse your dad or get drunk together and go stargazing. But don’t expect me to give you a pat on the back when you’re a jerk to people. I’ll not overlook your bad behavior just because you’re my friend.”

“It will be Finn all over again.”

She sighs sadly before removing her hands from his and standing up.

“I think we should finish this conversation other time.” She steps back, taking a deep breath and struggling to keep her tears at bay. “I don’t want to end this night hating you.”

…

“Do you think he will tell her?”

Raven nods at Octavia before looking back at the pan in front of her.

“I’m sure. We talked about it last week and I told him he should go for it. It’s not like we don’t know her answer, but I think it will be good for him spilling the beans.”  Lexa arches one eyebrow at Raven words, handing her a spoon when she outstretches a hand on her direction. She stirs the bacon before looking at the taller brunette. “Do you think it’s done?” Lexa glances at the pan before nodding, and Raven turns off the stove before looking at Octavia. “I think we fried too much bacon.”

Octavia shrugs, drying her hands on a dishcloth.

“How much bacon is too much bacon?” She throws the dishcloth over the table before reaching for an empty bowl and handing it to Lexa. “Also, Clarke will need lots of grease tonight. So popcorn with lots of butter and bacon is the perfect option."

“She will need lots of grease?”

Raven nods, pouring the bacon into the bowl Lexa is holding very carefully.

“Yes. Normal human beings eat lots of ice cream when they need to cheer up but Clarke goes straightly for the grease.” She places the pan over the stove once all the bacon is inside the bowl. “Bacon is a fave of hers for days like today.”

Octavia nods too, reaching for the dirty pan and placing it into the sink.

“Yes. She likes to clog her veins with cholesterol each time her heart is broken.” She picks the popcorn bowl from the counter, turning to the table. “And she will be heartbroken today, even if she doesn’t –“

“Hey.”

They turn to look at Clarke, who is standing at the kitchen door with red rimmed eyes, and Octavia places the bowl on the table before walking towards her.

“Hey, don’t cry, Clarke.” She hugs her tightly, kissing her cheek. “I’m sure everything will be okay. You two are friends since forever, nothing can break this kind of bond.”

Soon Raven’s arms are wrapping around their bodies and a kiss is being planted on blonde hair.

“I’m with O here, Princess. Neither a broken heart can break a solid friendship.”

They spend a few moments standing like that, Lexa’s attentive and concerned eyes on them. But soon she places the bacon on the table and walks towards the sink, busying herself with the dirty pan.

When Raven untangles herself from her best friend she tugs on Octavia’s arm, nodding towards Lexa when she has her friend’s attention.

“I think we should move the movie night to our room tonight, Clarke.” She smiles at the blonde before looking at Raven, who nods at her. “Are you okay with that, Lexa?”

She nods without turning to face them, and Raven turns to the table, reaching for the popcorn bowl.

“Okay. So O and I will bring the popcorn and the orange juice to your room and organize everything. You can bring the star of the night, aka fried bacon.”

Clarke nods at them before focusing on Lexa, a light frown on her forehead.

“Lexa?”

“Yes?”

Clarke rolls her eyes before walking towards the sink, placing a hand on Lexa’s shoulder.

“Lex?”

The brunette sighs before turning, her discomfort clear on her eyes.

“I’m sorry, Clarke. Intruding on your moment with your friends wasn’t my –“

Clarke closes the distance between then, her arms wrapping around Lexa’s neck, and Lexa hugs her back almost immediately.

She knows Lexa isn’t a fan of touching, and that’s the reason she has been refraining herself from hugging her since the first time they meet. But she needs Lexa to understand that she isn’t intruding on anything. That she is her friend.

So she needs to start treating Lexa as she treats her other friends.

(And she ignores the shiver that crosses her body when Lexa kisses her head, hugging her tighter, Well’s words still loud on her mind.) 

“I want you here.” She sighs, nudging her head on the crock of Lexa’s neck and holding her breath not to have a sensory overexposure. “You’re my friend too, you dumb.”

The deep breath that leaves Lexa’s lips at her words and caresses her scalp almost makes her giggle, because the idea of Lexa being relieved by her words, as if she really didn’t know she is Clarke’s friends and she is welcomed here, is very funny – especially after they conversation about Lexa’s being Clarke’s _someone_.

But Clarke knows Lexa. She knows she is reserved, she knows she has trusting problems. And she knows Anya is the only one she would dare to call friend.

Until Clarke.

 _Until C_.

She doesn’t giggle, then, choosing to go for a kiss instead.

But when her lips press against the skin of Lexa’s neck and she stirs - and her own heart goes insane inside her chest - she knows that was a poor decision. So she steps back, reaching for Lexa’s hand – because she can’t risk going from a sensory overexposure directly to a withdrawal.

“Let’s go.” She reaches for the big bowl filled with fried bacon. “I’m sure those two are anxious to pour it all over that deliciously smelling popcorn.”

…

“I should go.”

Lexa is seated on the edge of Octavia's bed, a sock covered toe pocking the carpet and her eyes on the door of Clarke’s and Octavia’s dorm, and Clarke who is sprawled on her own bed, raises her head to look at her.

“You can stay here. It’s late.”

Lexa’s eyes lock with hers, and she nods hesitantly, tilting her head slightly.

“Are you sure?”

“Yes.” She yaws, covering her mouth with one hand and taking a seat on the edge of her own bed. “Octavia will not come back tonight and she wouldn’t mind you staying over. I’ll lend you a pair of sweatpants and a t-shirt. You can sleep on her bed.” Lexa’s eyes tell Clarke she isn’t comfortable with it, so she adds. “Or you can use mine.” The same eyes widen, even if only slightly, and Clarke hurries to clarify. “And I’ll sleep on hers.” Lexa still looks a little unsure, and a quick glance at her desk gives Clarke the weapon she needs to win this war. “I’ll let you take a look at my sketchpads. All of them.”

“Fine.” The reply is almost immediate and a small smile is on Lexa’s lips when Clarke looks back at her, and Clarke can’t fight against a smile herself. “And then maybe I could let you read the next chapter of my fic in advance.”

A squeak leaves Clarke’s lips and suddenly she is throwing herself over Lexa’s body and pressing her against Octavia’s mattress.

“You’re the best, Lex.”

…

“Do you remember when I told you that Raven spent almost a month without talking with me once?”

Lexa nods, her eyes still on the draw on her hands.

“I sketched this one back that time.” She sighs, taking a seat behind Lexa and resting her chin on her shoulder. “I met this boy at a party when I was fifteen. He was so charming and his smile made me feel things, and I ended the party pressed against a wall with his lips on mine. John Murphy was the one who threw the party, and Octavia really didn’t like him, so she didn’t go to the party. Raven chose to stay home with O, so I was all by myself there.” She sighs again, bringing one hand to the draw and running a finger over it. “I didn’t know much about the boy, and when I asked Murphy about him he just told me I should start to attend to his parties. And I did it, keeping it a secret from my best friends, because I was afraid they would think I was picking a random boy over them.” She lets her head fall against the side of Lexa’s, closing her eyes. “Two months later I lost my virginity with him. Two months and one day later I saw Raven and him making out on a dark alley.” Lexa’s hand is holding hers now, and a tear is on the corner of her eye when she opens her eyes again. “Turns out he was dating Raven from almost five months and I didn’t know. As I didn’t know that he was addicted to cocaine and that he usually did bad things when he was on drugs.” She removes her hand from Lexa’s, flipping the pages a couple of time. “Raven spent a whole month avoiding me. The draws from this period are my roughest ever.”

“Rougher than the ones you drew when your dad passed away?”

Clarke nods, her hand searching for Lexa’s again.

“And rougher than the ones I drew when Wells was at the hospital.” Lexa nods once, tilting her head against Clarke’s, and the blonde sighs deeply. “He is in love with me.” Lexa nods again, slower this time, and Clarke closes her eyes one more time. “And because of it he is making this whole fight romantic related, when it isn’t. And it frustrates me so much, because –“

“Give him some time, Clarke. He will come around.”

Clarke opens her eyes, tilting her head to look at Lexa.

“Do you think?”

Lexa nods, untangling her hand from Clarke and standing up slowly.

“I’m sure about it. As the girls said, he is your oldest friend, and one of the bests. You will find a way to make it work again.”

“Even if I don’t feel the same?”

Lexa turns to face her, a small smile on her lips.

“Even if you don’t feel the same.” She reaches from Clarke’s hand, tugging on it when Clarke holds hers. “Now let’s read that chapter.”

…

“Look at you, all grown up, spending the night who knows where.”

Lexa stops at the doorstep to glare at Anya, who is lying on her bed with a huge smile on her lips.

“First of all, I texted you letting –“

“I know, Woods. I know. But let a girl tease her cousin, will you?”

Lexa closes the door behind her before dropping her backpack on her table.

“I’m sure you would be able another things to tease me about.”

“You’re damn right, girl.” She sits upright, the smirk getting bigger. “So, she is talented with her hands on bed too?”

Lexa glares at Anya before taking a seat on her bed and toeing her snickers out.

“Don’t be rude, Anya.”

“Did you two at least kiss?”

Lexa shakes her head before lying on her back.

“I already told you that she’s my friend, Anya. We have a –“

“Completely platonic friendship, in which you spend all of your free time together being sickeningly cute to each other. Yeah, I know.” She shakes her head, amused at the light tone of pink which is on Lexa’s cheeks now. “Next time I’ll send a message to Octavia begging her to stop having sex with Linc and go back to her room. This way you would be forced to at least cuddle.” Lexa’s cheeks immediately heathen up and Anya’s jaw drops. “Oh my God, you two totally cuddled!” She stands up, towering over Lexa and pinching her red cheeks. “I’m so proud of you, you charmer.”  

“It was an accident, Anya.” She pushes her hand away, closing her eyes. “We were reading on my iPad and next thing I know we are sleeping.” She shrugs, her cheeks still colored. “It was a little embarrassing walking up this morning. Octavia was back, staring at us with an amused smile.” Anya takes a seat next to Lexa, still grinning. “At least Clarke was still sleeping when I left.”

“I’m so proud of you, Miss Woods. You finally did a walk of shame on a Sunday morning.”

Lexa groans loudly before throwing a hand over her face, and Anya laughs loudly.

…

“Seriously Rae, you should have seen Lexa’s face when she noticed I was already on the room.” Clarke groans loudly, to Raven’s amusement, and Octavia grins widely. “She was so embarrassed that she left her iPad on Clarke’s nightstand.”

“Or she is really smart and left it behind just for Clarke to go after her to retrieve it.”

Octavia snorts loudly, shaking her head amusedly.

“As if she needs this kind of cheap tricks to see Clarke.” She pinches Clarkes side making she squirm. “We all know blondie will go after her on the coffee shop later, iPad or not.”

“Shut up.” Clarke pushes her hand away, rearranging her body to take a seat against the wall. “We fell asleep on the same bad by accident. That’s all.”

“Are you telling us you didn’t enjoy having her warm body behind you?” Clarke shakes her head, her cheeks heating up, and Raven grins. “I knew it! Now you can stop denying your feelings for her, Princess.”

“I never denied my _interest_ on Lexa, Rae.” She shrugs sheepishly, avoiding her friend’s eyes. “But she is a contained person, who doesn’t deal with emotions in the best way, and I’m not willing to risk our friendship.”

“Do you really think she isn’t interested, Clarke?” Clarke shrugs again and Octavia snorts loudly. “She goes from a diamond to melted butter every time you’re near her, Griff. I’m pretty sure the girl has a thing for you, and you should do something about it.”

“Hm, yeah. Let’s see what happens. Now I’m kind of too worried about what I’ll do about Wells to decide the best way to woo Lexa properly.”

“Awn, look at her, O. She is such a romantic.”

Clarke reaches for her pillow, throwing it on Raven’s face.

“Shut up, Reyes.”

…

_Who would have known that would rain today, huh?_

**Everyone who looked at the sky?**

_I  think I like your serious version better, SMARTASS._

**Let me guess: you went out without an umbrella, didn’t you?**

WE ARE IN THE MIDDLE OF FUCKING NOVEMBER, LEXA. IT’S SUPPOSED TO BE COLD AND ALMOST SNOWING, NOT RAINING.

**Your knowledge about how rain and snow work amuses me.**

**It’s good you aren’t a meteorology student.**

_You’re hurting my feelings._

_Also, I can’t stop sneezing._

_And my throat hurts :(_

**I’ll buy you an umbrella.**

_I don’t need an umbrella_

_…_

_Do you know what I DO need?_

_Lexa?_

**My shift just ended and I was chancing, sorry.**

**changing***

**What do you need, Clarke?**

_Something warm, with spices and a little spicy._

**Understood.**

_You’re the best, Lex <3_

_(With skinny milk, please. I’m still trying to get rid of all the bacon we ate last weekend.)_

I **don’t think you need to lose any weight but skinny milk will be.**

…

It isn’t raining anymore when Lexa leaves the coffee shop, but the huge water puddles on the grass give her the hint that Clarke must had been soaked when she returned to her dorm, what explains her sudden sickness.

The wrap on the paper cup on her hand tightens, the warmness radiating through her cold fingers and her other hand flying to the hood of her hoodie, throwing it over her head.

She walks fast and less than fifteen minutes later she is approaching Clarke’s building, which is great, because tick raindrops are wetting her head and shoulders now.

A couple is under one of the large three in the front of the building, and despite the fact she wants to be inside of it as soon as possible – and the fact she isn’t one to pay attention to what other people are doing, frankly -, she starts to walk slower when she notices his angry tone.

“I want to talk to –“

 “Shut the fuck up and get lost. And if you go anywhere near –“

“Raven?” She is walking towards them now, Raven’s wide and fearful eyes locked with hers. “Are you in need of some help?”

“Get the fuck out of here, lady. What is happening between us is none of your business.”

She places her backpack and Clarke’s beverage on the bench next to Raven, standing next to her and glaring at the boy, who is closer now.

“You’re threatening one of my friends. I believe that’s my business.”

Raven reaches for Lexa’s arm, wrapping one hand around her wrist and tugging on it.

“Lexa, you -“

Soon two strong hands are pushing Lexa’s chest and she is stumbling backwards, but a split second late she is wrapping her hand around his wrist and bending his arm in an unnatural angle.

“ _Fuck._ ”

“I’ll give you two options. You can walk away as soon as I release your arm and I promise I’ll not follow you and make you sorry for bothering Raven.” His arm is now pressed against his back, and a low whine leaves his lips. “Or you can stay and I can go with you to the hospital later, for them to put your broken arm in a cast.” She applies more pressure on his arm, and he grunts loudly. “And no matter what you choose, you will stay away from Raven. Or more parts of your body will need to be fixed.”

She releases his arm, pushing him hard, and he groans, holding his arm close to his chest. He steps backwards, his eyes locked with Lexa’s.

“You picked the wrong battle, stranger.”

A few seconds later he is disappearing into the night, and Lexa turns to Raven, stepping closer to her.

“Are you okay? Did he hurt you?”

“No.” She takes a long breath, closing her eyes briefly. “I’m good.” Lexa nods at her, her jaw relaxing slightly, and Raven releases another deep breath. “Man, what a night.” She reaches for Lexa’s backpack, throwing the strap over her shoulder. “Also, I’ll accept it as an apology for telling Clarke about Anya and I.”

A small smile is on Lexa’s lips when she reaches for the Clarke’s beverage.

“That works for me.”

Raven reaches for her free arm, tugging Lexa towards the building entrance.

“And now come on. We need to warm up.” Lexa nods, already following her, and they go upstairs in silence. Raven greets a few students on Clarke’s and Octavia’s dorm’s corridor, and turns to face Lexa when they are standing in front of it. “Look, I don’t know how Clarke will react to what I’ll tell her now, but –“

“Should I go to my room? You can deliver the things I bought to her.”

Raven shakes her head promptly, reaching for the door handle.

“No way. She will want you here.”

“Are you sure?”

“One hundred percent. Just be prepared to see a livid but angry Clarke.” Lexa nods and Raven opens the door, stepping inside and dragging Lexa with her. “You would not believe if I told you that homegirl here just kicked Finn’s ass, would you?”

Clarke’s – livid, points to Raven – face peeks out of a nest of blankets, and Octavia stares at them with wide eyes.

“What?”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey, hello. It took me forever to write this chapter (not really, I wrote it all today, but it took me forever to create some time to do it, so...) but I believe you will enjoy it as much as I do.
> 
> I'm already looking forward to read all your opinions, and if you feel like chating about this fic, I created a tumblr (justanotherass-mann), so feel free to come say hi! 
> 
> Hope you all have a great week!


	10. Chapter 10

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Someone gets drunk, someone gets jealous, and everybody is a little dumb.

“I can’t believe he was here.” She shakes her head, snorting lowly, but soon a fit of coughs takes over her body. Lexa motions to stand up, her concerned eyes on Clarke, but before she could do that she notices Octavia shaking her head slowly. “Here, outside our building.” She stops walking, turning to face Raven. “That piece of shit is back to our lives, Raven. Can you believe it?”

Raven sighs before standing up, reaching for the duvet which is over Clarke’s shoulders and wrapping it more tightly around them.

“He isn’t back to our lives, Griff. Because for it to be possible we would need to accept him back, and no way we are doing that. So –“

“But what if he insists in searching for us?” She glances at Lexa, her eyes wide and sad. “He threatened Lexa, for fuck’s sake.”

“I can handle myself, Clarke. Don’t worry.”

“Yeah, Clarke.” Octavia offers her a reassuring smile, nodding towards Raven. “For what this one told us, Lexa is perfectly capable of take care of herself. And if that scumbag tries to talk to you or to Raven again we can ask to Bellamy and Linc to scare him away.”

“And I’m sure Anya wouldn’t mind joining the task force either.”

Clarke stares blankly at Lexa for a few seconds before walking towards her bed and plopping next to her, immediately letting her head fall on her shoulder.

“I just hate him.” She sneezes, rubbing the back of her hand against the tip of her nose. “So much.”

“I know the feeling.” Clarke nods at Raven, who reaches for her backpack. “Anyway, I need to go –“

“Stay here, Rae. He can be –“

“I need to leave too.” Lexa nods reassuringly at her when she turns her head to face her. “I’ll walk Raven to her building.”

“Perfect. This way I need to worry about two of my best friends instead about one of them.”

Octavia giggles at the pout on Clarke’s lips, standing up and walking towards her bed.

“Stop being a baby, C. They need to go and you need to go back to bed to rest and heal.” She reaches for Clarke’s cheeks, pinching them lightly before turning to Raven. “Come on, Rae. Let’s talk outside.”

Clarke turns to face Lexa as soon as they leave the door, quickly unwrapping her arms and throwing them around her neck.

“Thank you for taking care of Rae.”

She sniffles against Lexa’s neck, and the brunette hugs her back, placing a kiss on her head.

“That’s what friends are for, right?”

Clarke leans back, a small smile on her lips. Then she stands up, giggling.

“Look at you, being all sociable and full of friends.” Lexa just shrugs before standing up, already reaching for her backpack, and suddenly Clarke’s hand are over hers. “Are you sure you don’t want to stay the night? Because it’s late and it’s raining again. And he could still be out there.”

Lexa glances at the closed door before nodding.

“I’m sure. I need to walk Raven back to her dorm –“

“She could stay here too.”

“- and Octavia will be sleeping here today.”

Clarke shakes her head quickly, tugging on the bottom of Lexa’s sweatshirt. “No, I’m not having it as an excuse. We didn’t even use her bed last time you slept over.”

“I would rather not to cuddle with your germs, Clarke.”

Octavia snorts loudly and Clarke rolls her eyes, the pout still on her lips.

“Ears dropping is wrong, O.” She sighs deeply, lowering her voice. “And accusing people to be the home of thousands of germs too, if you wanna know.”

Lexa smiles at her, arranging the blanket over her shoulders properly.

“Sleep. And drinks lots of water. You will feel better in the morning.”

Clarke nods reluctantly, bringing one hand out of the covers and reaching for Lexa’s hand.

“Thank you. For coming here bringing my fave drink and disgusting medication and for saving Rae’s ass as well.”

Lexa nods, squeezing Clarke’s hand before tucking it under the duvet again.

“You’re welcome. But I’m pretty sure Raven would be offended by your statement.”

A muffled _you’re damn right_ comes through the door and Clarke rolls her eyes, offering Lexa a small smile.

“Text me when you’re safe and sound on your dorm.” She leans on her tip toes to press her lips against the reddened skin of Lexa’s cheek. When she leans back Lexa is blushing wildly. “Okay?”

“Okay.”

…

Lexa’s eyes widen when she finishes an incredibly and surprisingly busy shift and unlocks her phone.

She has 16 new messages, 13 of them from Clarke.

_I know Luna needed a Saturday off and I also know u’re in Octavia’s good graces forever after agreeing to cover Lincoln so they could party together but I wish you were here._

_Have you ever heard about dutch courage?_

_Leeeeeeeeeexa, I miss you. Why aren’t you here?_

_Raven says im pouting but im not. Don’t trust her._

_She slapped my hand and my phone fell to the ground. Im gonna break her face if it broke._

_It didnt._

_rae called u sexy lexy and i dont like it._

_Sup lex._

_I wanna go home with u. come pick me_

_sorry if I was rude. dont tell my mom. also, please? pick me?_

_reyes is mocking me cause a pretty grl kissed me and i ddnt kiss r._

_anya is glaring at me. Im afraid_

_‘m sleepy lex_

A low curse leaves her lips when she reaches from her backpack, dialing Clarke’s number before pressing the phone against her shoulder and picking a sweatshirt from the backpack. The call goes unanswered and she is already leaving the coffee shop when she dials the number again.

She walks on the direction of Bellamy’s frat house quickly, one of her hands tucked into her pocket and the other one tightly wrapped around her phone. When the third call goes unanswered she sends _I’m on my way_ to Clarke, tucking the phone on her pocket and already planning the pain she will inflict to Lincoln and Anya if anything happened to Clarke, because they were supposed to keep her safe.

_And preferentially not wasted._

The crowd is loud and wild when she steps inside the house fifteen minutes later, and she sighs deeply before starting to force her way through it, her knuckles turning white against the straps of her backpack.

A few minutes pass before she spots a blonde girl seated on the floor, her head resting against a brunette one, and a deep breathe leaves her lips, the grip on the straps relaxing.

“Lexa!”

Clarke’s eyes lighten up when she approaches her and she tries to stand up, stumbling forward and throwing her arms around Lexa’s neck as soon as she grabs her waist. She sighs happily, immediately burying her head on the crock of Lexa’s neck, and Lexa wraps both of her arms around her waist, closing her eyes briefly and silently thanking all the Gods for the blonde’s safety.

“Are you ready to go home?” She nods immediately, her face still buried on her neck, and Lexa tilts her head to look at Raven, who is staring at them from the floor with a huge grin on her lips. “You’re coming too, Raven.”

She mockingly salutes Lexa, and the grin on her lips is wide when she outstretches her hand towards Lexa lazily.

“That’s what she said.”

She laughs loudly at Lexa’s blush and Clarke’s glare, stumbling a little before standing up next to the brunette and gripping her arm hopping for some sort of support.

“Do we need to find someone else?”

Clarke shakes her head, removing her arms from Lexa’s neck.

“No. Anya is sucking a poor boy’s face and Octavia and Lincoln left.”

“To fuck.”

Clarke nods at Raven’s loud words, giggling and dropping her head on Lexa’s shoulder when the brunette wraps a strong arm around her waist.

“Thanks, Lex.”

Lexa nods shortly before turning to Raven, who is staring at her blankly.

“Do you think you can walk steadily?” Raven nods at her, already starting to force her way to the door, and Lexa is quickly to step behind Clarke, her hands placed on her waist. “Follow her, Clarke. I’m taking you home.”

…

“But I don’t like water.”

She rolls her eyes at Clarke’s stubbornness, but the pout on her lips make her expression soften.

“I don’t mind if you don’t like it, Clarke. It will do you some good, so you will drink it.”

“You’re hot when you’re bossy.” She turns her head to look at Raven, who is sitting on Octavia’s bed using only an oversized t-shirt and panties. “I think you’re the hottest person I’ve seen in my entire life, Lexa. And I saw Anya naked, coming around my fingers.” Lexa slaps her own forehead, closing her eyes and resting her head against Clarke’s thigh, and Raven giggles, lying on Octavia’s bed. “And to think I thought you were an old person when you two started to talk.” She shakes her head, yawning. “I think I’ll sleep here tonight. My roommie probably brought her girl back to our dorm so yelling will happen.” She tries to get under the covers, tangling her legs on it. “Because nowadays they are always screaming. Due to sex or to fights.”

She gives up her attempt to place the covers over her body and a few seconds later a light snore is filling the room. The sound of Clarke’s giggle makes her look back at the blonde, who is staring at her with a smile on her lips, and Lexa sighs when she notices that the bottle of water remains untouched.

“Clarke, drink your water.” She nods towards Raven without looking away. “She drank all her water and changed her clothes.” She sighs tiredly, her eyes pleading. “She is already snoring and you –“

“I’ll not change my clothes in front of you.”

She nods shortly, standing up.

“I will close my eyes.”

Clarke stares at her suspiciously, sipping her water.

“Promise?” Lexa nods immediately, handing her the shirt on her hands. Clarke grabs it, pushing the bottle of water on her hand. “I’ll change then.” She stands up, immediately reaching for the zipper of her jeans, and Lexa barely has time to close her eyes before she whispers, tapping the tip of her nose twice. “No peeking.”

Ten minutes later, when Clarke is also snoring on her bed, blonde hair sprawled over her pillow, Lexa places a new bottle of water and four aspirins on her nightstand. She remembers the blonde talking about the art project she needs to finish at the library on the morning and reaches for her phone, setting an alarm, and after arranging the covers over Raven’s body she leaves the room, a tired but happy smile on her lips.

…

The first thing Clarke does when she opens her eyes is slamming her hand over her phone, desperately trying to silence her alarm.

Then she groans loudly, blinking a couple of times to adjust to the light and pressing a hand over her forehead.

And then she almost falls from the bed, because the memory of the events on the night before kicks in and she _needs_ to grab her phone and check the size of the damage.

She groans again when she starts to read the messages her wasted self sent to Lexa, groaning louder at every single one.

“Did you embarrass yourself?”

Raven’s sleepy eyes lock with hers and she nods, throwing her phone towards her and not even minding the fact it almost hits her face.

She has bigger concerns.

Raven’s eyes widen at the messages and then she is groaning again, this time at the smirk on her best friend’s face.

“So, apparently you let go of your idea of wooing her properly, huh?”

She closes her eyes, cursing herself for drinking so much in the night before – and for deciding to inform Lexa about every single thought that crossed her mind and thing that happened at the party.

_Cursing herself for not being able to take Lexa out of her mind for a couple of hours._

“Fuck you, Reyes.”

Raven laughs, but soon the laugh is replaced by a loud groan, and Clarke nods absentmindedly, because _yeah, she gets it._

“She walked us back, right?” Clarke’s nod is unseen by Raven, who is still lying on Octavia’s bed with her eyes closed. “And managed to tuck our stubborn selves in bed.” She shakes her head, clearly amused. “She is a saint. God knows handling our drunken assess isn’t an easy task.” Another groan leaves Raven’s lips when she opens her eyes, sitting up slowly and wincing at least three times before pressing her back against the cold wall. “I think I told her she was the hottest person I had ever seen.”

Clarke scoffs, sitting up too.

“Of course you did.” She glances at her nightstand, a small smile forming on her lips when she notices the bottle of water and four aspirins. “So I guess I wasn’t the only one who embarrassed themselves.”

“Heh, maybe not. But I don’t want to ask her out, so it doesn’t matter.”

She reaches for the bottle of water, grabbing it.

“Are you sure about that? Because you wouldn’t shut up about her hotness last night.”

Raven shrugs, leaning forward to grab the aspirins Clarke is handing her.

“I was just stating the obvious, Clarke. But chill, I’m not planning on asking your girl out.” She gulps the water, swallowing the pills with a grimace. “But you should do that, soon. After those messages I’m pretty sure she wouldn’t even be surprised by it. She may even be expecting it.” Clarke nods at her, a shy smile on her lips. “Do you have something planned?”

“Kinda. I’ve been doing some research  -“ she shrugs sheepishly, looking away “- and I found this bookstore that sells used and rare books which is close to an organic fast-food restaurant and I was planning to ask her to go there with me, because she would love the store and that silly half smile would appear on her lips and then we would eat and she would hum at the food and I’d make fun of her for eating fast-food and loving it, because she –“

“Oh boy, you’re so in love with her.”

She shrugs, her smile widening.

“I think so.”

“This is disgusting.”

She shrugs again, grinning at Raven’s wide smile.

“Whatever. Now let me go. I need to shower before heading to the library.”

“Are you gonna finish the project today?” Clarke nods, standing up slowly. “With Niylah?” Another nod. “Don’t you think it’s gonna be weird?”

“Because she kissed me last night?”

Clarke glances at Raven before opening the top drawer of her dresser.

“Because you didn’t kiss her back and she didn’t stop to flirt with you.”

Clarke shrugs before reaching for her towel, her bottom lip stuck between her teeth.

“I really hope it isn’t.”

…

“I swear to God that I’ll kill you if you don’t stop making noises.” She throws a pillow at a guilty looking Lexa, pushing the blankets over her head. “I don’t know if you noticed it, but I’m trying to sleep here.”

“Sorry.” She sighs, defeated, and rests her back against the side of her bed. “I didn’t want to wake you up but I can’t find my running shoes.”

Anya’s head peeks out of the covers, and she blinks twice before propelling her torso on her elbows.

“What’s wrong?” Lexa removes her phone from her pocket, leaning forward to place it on Anya’s bed, and Anya’s eyes widen. “She told you about the kiss.” Lexa nods, and Anya sits up against the wall. “Are you upset?”

“No. It’s not like we have some-“

“You can cut the crap, Lex. I know you like blondie as more than a friend.” Lexa nods shortly, her eyes wondering to the closed curtain. “So I’ll ask you again: are you upset?”

“She didn’t kiss her back.”

“She didn’t.” Lexa’s eyes lock with hers, and she nods reassuringly. “And I wasn’t glaring at your bae, by the way. I was glaring at this girl, who insisted on flirting even after Clarke telling her she wasn’t interested.”

“Oh.”

Anya yawns loudly, closing her eyes momentarily.

“ _Oh_ indeed. But the point here is, if you _know_ you like Clarke, and you two already spend all your free time together being sickeningly cute, why you don’t ask her out? Are you afraid it will be -”

“No.” She shakes her head promptly, her almost inexistent fingernails digging in the palm of her hands. “Clarke isn’t Costia.”

“Why, then?”

“ _Because_ Clarke isn’t Costia.” She sighs loudly, closing her eyes and letting her head fall against her mattress. “I wouldn’t be able to have _anything_ with her without opening up, and you know I don’t open up to people.”

“You already do when it comes to Clarke.”

They share a dense silence for several seconds, and then Lexa is shaking her head.

“Not in the way I need to do to be able to be with her. She doesn’t know that sometimes I wake up in the middle of the night, screaming, because I have nightmares about the accident that killed my parents. She doesn’t know that I have a scar on my back because a kid from the orphanage decided that seeing my blood spilling would be fun. She doesn’t know that I couldn’t sleep without you for several months when the uncles took me in. She doesn’t know that I stayed in an abusive relationship just because I thought I wouldn’t find another girl to love me because I think I don’t deserve to be loved.” She straightens her head, using the back of her hands to dry her cheeks. “She doesn’t know that you still live here, in the dorms, just because I’m weak and can’t bear the thought of sharing a room with another human be-“

Anya crouches next to her, reaching for her arms and gripping her wrists lightly.

“You’re so strong, Lex. And you’re doing so fucking good.” She squeezes her arms before letting go of them and bringing her hands to Lexa’s cheeks. “I’m so proud of you, Lex. So so proud of you. And I know that the thought of opening up to someone is really scary, but you did it with me and with our parents because you thought we were worth it. Don’t you think she is worth it too?”

Lexa nods immediately and Anya smiles widely at her, leaning forward to kiss her cheek.

“Ask the damn girl out, then.”

…

**Good Morning, Clarke. I hope the alarm I set went off and your hangover isn’t too bad.**

_Morning, my knight in a shining hoodie. Thank you for picking us and dragging our annoying asses home. And for setting the alarm and providing water and aspirins for us. You’re the best <3_

_(Btw, I didn’t message you earlier because I thought that maybe you decided to sleep in, since you stayed up late last night, dealing with troublemakers. I was afraid of waking you up.)_

**I woke up early, actually. Went for a run.**

**Are you still busy with your art project?**

_Yes :/_

_But we should be wrapping it soon. Why?_

**I was wondering if we could meet. I have the day off.**

_YES :D_

_Meet me here and we will grab some food as soon as I’m done, right?_

**I’ll meet you in twenty.**

…

Her heart tightens inside of her chest when she notices this beautiful girl running a finger over Clarke’s hand, slowly. Her jaw clenches and she raises her eyes, searching for the girl’s and missing the way Clarke removes her hand, leaning back slightly.

She is ready to turn and leave, to text Clarke an excuse, when her dark eyes lock with light blue ones. A wide smile spreads on Clarke’s lips and she raises her hand, motioning Lexa to come over.

“It took you long enough, huh?” She notices the way Clarke’s forehead frowns when she stops a little too far from their table before moving her eyes to her companion. “Lex, this is Niylah, my classmate.” She glances at the young woman quickly, the frown still on her forehead. “Niylah, meet Lexa.”

“Hi Lexa.” She nods to the empty seat next to hers, a grin on her lips. “Come on, take a seat. We are almost finishing our research. We can grab something to eat as soon as we are done.”

Clarke’s frown deepens and her head snaps towards Lexa, who is already stepping backwards.

“I’ll not be able to join you, sadly.” She glances quickly at Clarke, her best stoic expression on. “I’m sorry. I’ll call you later.” She glances at Niylah, nodding shortly. “It was a pleasure to meet you.”

And then she is gone, leaving a dumbfounded Clarke behind.

…

_Are you okay? You seemed a little off earlier._

_(I didn’t invite Niylah to join us for lunch, btw. I wasn’t expecting her to act that way, and I apologize if it made you uncomfortable.)_

_You better be incredibly busy. Or dead. Because if you aren’t incredibly busy or dead I’ll kick your ass really hard for ignoring my messages and my calls._

_(Please don’t be dead)_

_Damn, Lexa. I know something is bothering you. Why can’t you talk to me and help me to understand what is going on so I can apologize and we can move forward?_

_I hate you._

_(I don’t, not really. But I HATE YOU!)_

…

She almost jumps off of her bed when someone knocks on her door, sprinting towards it and opening it wildly.

Her smile drops when she notices Anya standing at the doorstep, and she barely has time to step aside before the blonde is forcing her way into the room.

“Lexa left our dorm today decided to ask you out and now she is acting as if the world came to an end, walking around all pouty and grumpy –“ she nods at Raven, who is staring at her from Octavia’s bed before taking a seat on its edge “- and I’m sure it is related to you so -“ she waits for Clarke to take a seat on her own bed, her eyes never leaving hers. “- tell me. What did you do?”

“I did nothing.” She huffs frustratingly, bringing her legs to the bed and tucking it under her body. “I was at the library finishing a project when she texted me and I told her she could meet me there and then we could grab something to eat. But she was all awkward when she arrived there and she didn’t want to wait for me and didn’t reply -” her eyes widen suddenly, and a smirk appear on Anya’s lips. “She was going to ask me out?”

It’s almost a squeak, and she gasps loudly when Anya nods.

“She was. I managed to convince her after a long pep talk, that you somehow ruined, because I –“

“Hm, maybe I was the one who ruined it.” Clarke turns to her friend, eyebrows raised, and Raven sighs, sliding against the wall. “Okay, let me finish the whole story before trying to kill me, right?” Clarke nods shortly, and Raven sighs one more time. “I bumped into Lexa when she was leaving the library. She was clearly upset and I was very hungry, and since we are best buddies now –“ Clarke’s jaw clenches and Anya smirks at her, clearly amused “- I invited her to grab something to eat. She accepted, surprisingly, and we headed out to the Ark, because they make –“

“Raven.”

She nods at Clarke twice, wincing a little under her stern look.

“Okay, sorry, I got distracted by the memory of their burgers. Anyway, Lexa accepted to eat junkie food without even complaining about it or lecturing me, what was a huge warning signal or something like that –“ she glances at Anya, who nods promptly in agreeance –“yeah, I thought so. But yeah, so I asked her if she wanted to talk and she just shook her head, that stoic look of hers going on, but after some fries and soda she told me that Ontari was a bitch to her during her night shift, but Ontari is always a bitch and she wasn’t upset about it when she brought us home, so I knew other things should be bothering her.” She glances at Clarke again, a meaningful expression on. “ _Important things_. So I casually brought you into conversation, because it _had_ to be Princess related, it should have something to do with your messy texts. So I asked her if she had talked to you today and she mentioned she had seen you briefly at the library, with your art project’s partner, and then everything made sense to me. Because I knew Niylah was your partner and I know how she is around you, all droll and heart eyes, and I also know you’re a little flirt so I, hm, panicked.”

“Oh no. What have you done, Rae?”

Raven throws both of her hands in the air, sighing deeply.

“She was looking like a kicked puppy, Clarke. You can’t really blame for _accidently_ telling her that Niylah was the girl who kissed you last night –“

“You didn’t.”

“or for telling her you’re a playful little thing who flirts with people for fun, and only for fun –“

“Oh no.”

“- or even if I tell you that I tried to fix my mistake immediately but couldn’t do that without telling her that you have a thing for her and that was not my secret to tell -”

“I’m gonna kill you, Raven.”

“- so she went to her dorm thinking you have something going on with Niylah and only flirt with her because that’s a thing you do. For fun, y’know.”

Anya laughs loudly, tears appearing on her eyes, and Clarke turns to her, mouth open.

“This isn’t funny, Anya!” She glances at Raven too, grunting loudly before letting her body fall on the bed, bringing both hands to her face. “I hate you, Reyes.”

“I’m sorry, Clarke.” Raven’s voice is high pitched, and Anya laughs louder, throwing her head back. “But you had to see the look on her eyes, Griff. She was seeming so fragile and –“ she sighs, burying her face on her hands “- I freaked out.”

“Oh God.” Anya is swiping some tears away, a huge grin on her lips. “This story is almost too good to be true.” She claps her hands together, standing up. “Well, I’m glad we could clear the air, Clarke. I’d hate to have to hurt you because you broke my little sister’s heart.” Clarke removes her hands from her face, sitting up immediately. “But I’d not vacillate to do that if you did it for real.” She walks towards the door, opening it before turning to face the blonder woman. “Oh, and Clarke? Desperate times call for desperate measures.”

She winks, and then she is gone and the door is slamming close. Raven’s eyes connect with Clarke’s wide ones immediately and the blonde lets out a nervous laugh.

“Did she just give me the talk?”

Raven nods slowly, hesitantly, running a hand through her hair.

“What are you gonna do now?”

“Think about desperate measures, I guess.”

The brunette nods again, already reaching for her phone.

“We need Octavia.”

…

“Lexa.”

The brunette raises her head and their eyes lock for a split second, because she is quick in looking away, her hand fidgeting with one of the straps of her apron.

“Clarke.” She clears her throat awkwardly, gesturing at Luna with her free hand. “Do you want something? Luna –“

“I’d like to have your full attention, for the start.” She hears Luna’s low chuckle, and soon Lexa’s eyes are on hers.  “Perfect. Now you can tell me why you’re avoiding me today.”

“I wouldn’t do such a thing, Clarke. I’m just busy.” She sighs lowly, and Clarke sees she is refraining herself for looking away. “And you were busy to-“

“You weren’t that busy when you texted me suggesting we should do something  because you had _the day off_.” She folds her arms in front of her chest, her jaw clenched. “And I told you we were almost done with our art project. I told you that we could grab some lunch together. _You and I.”_

“You were with that girl and I didn’t want to –“

“Were you jealous, Lexa?” Lexa shifts uncomfortable under her gaze, and Luna’s chuckle can be heard again. She sighs slowly and quickly, gathering courage to spill the next words. “Because if you were, I’d strongly recommend you to ask me on a date. This way you would have the right to feel this way next time you _think_ I’m flirting with someone.” Lexa’s eyes widen slightly, but soon the stoic expression is back to her face. Clarke tilts her head, staring suggestively at her, and scoffing lowly when Lexa remains silent. “You’re an idiot.”

She turns, walking towards the door, and soon a hand is connecting with the back of Lexa’s head.

“The girl you want to ask on a date _strongly recommended_ you to go for it and you just stared at her.” She scoffs, shaking her head. “You’re an idiot inde-“

“Clarke.” The blond stops next to the door, turning to face Lexa, who is almost sprinting towards her. She lets out a sigh of relief, refraining herself from reaching for Lexa’s hand and squeeze her obvious jitters away. “I –“

Lexa stutters and Clarke wants to curse out loud the words which are betraying the writer and refusing to leave her lips. But she settles for smiling and leaning on her tip toes, her warm lips connecting with Lexa’s cheek.

“You can pick me at eight.” She turns, opening the door with an excited smile on her lips. “Don’t be late.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey you. I really hope you like this chapter because I had a great time writing it and I kind of like it very much :)
> 
> As usual, thank you for all the love you sent on my way through kudos and comments. You rock!


	11. Chapter 11

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Clarke and Lexa are their adorable and anxious self at their date.

“Do you think she will be able to find her way back from that pile of clothes before Lexa arrives?” Raven glances quickly at Octavia, who is staring at Clarke with a half concerned expression. “Homegirl here is really indecisive today.”

Octavia nods slowly, sighing when Clarke takes off another t-shirt, throwing it on her bed without diverting her eyes from her dresser.

“She will not admit it through words but she is really ner-“

“Fuck.” Clarke straightens her body, placing her hands on her hips. “I don’t have anything to wear.” She lets out a short breath before turning to her bed and throwing a sweater on it. “Why did I force her to ask me out? And in such a -” she huffs before bringing a hand to her hair and running it through blonde locks, her eyes closing. “I forced her to ask me out and now I don’t even know what to wear.” She opens her eyes, her tongue poking out of her lips. “What if she is feeling compelled to do it because of pity and when I show up with my usual homeless attire she runs away?” Her eyes widen and she stumbles forward, immediately reaching for her phone. “Oh God, I need to can-“

“Stop.” Octavia’s hand wrap around her phone before she can reach it, immediately moving it away from her range. “You’re freaking out and okay, we get that, because Lexa is hot –“

“Incredibly hot.”

“And you’re so in love with her it’s kind of disgusting. But you _shouldn’t_ be freaking out because her lady boner for you is completely obvious. And Anya told you she has been planning on asking you out for a while so stop thinking you’re her charity case.”

“Yeah, Griff.” Raven stands up, walking towards her bed and reaching for a loose dark blue shirt from a mismatched pile. “She wants to go out with you. Stop freaking out and start enjoying the miracle of having a hot lady completely smitten for you.”

Clarke nods, her expression still twisted, and Octavia sighs before glancing at Raven.

“Let’s take the fact she didn’t tell you to go fuck yourself after that one as a sign she really needs a pep talk.” Raven nods, handing her the shirt, and taking a seat on Clarke’s bed, smothering several pieces of clothing in the process. “Clarke, –“ she reaches for her friend’s hands, pulling on it until she climbs on the bed and takes a seat between them “- your feelings for Lexa are growing since you first noticed her Tumblr and started to read her fic. And your relationship is somewhat more than a simple friendship since she sent you that first message, revealing her true old self. She is special to you and you’re clearly special to her, because Anya is always complaining about Lexa walking around with a goof smile on her lips since you became a part of her life. Stop freaking out –“

“- and start to change because she will arrive in less than ten minutes.” Octavia’s head snap towards Raven, her glare icy, but Raven just shrugs, placing the shirt on Clarke’s lap. “What? She is still wearing only her underwear and she doesn’t want to get late for her first date with Woods, does she?”

Clarke shakes her head quickly, sighing deeply and letting her head fall on Octavia’s shoulder.

“I’m just freaking out because she is a total babe and –“ she sighs again, the shirt clamped between her hands “- I don’t want to push her too much or to screw the things.” She straightens her head, glancing at her friend. “You’re right, O. She is special to me.”

“Wear your nicest pair of skinny jeans then.”

“Yes. They do wonders to your ass.”

Octavia stands up, outstretching her hand towards Clarke.

“And put on this shirt Rae handed you. It will bring out your eyes.”

“And throw your leather jacket over it. It makes you look smoking hot and total badass.”

Clarke nods, standing up and already turning to grab her jeans – which is lying on the top of a colorful pile -, stopping in the middle of the motion due to the knock on the door.

“Fuck.”

She clamps a hand over her mouth quickly, causing Raven to smirk and Octavia to roll her eyes.

“Help her not to be _too late_ , Rae.” She turns to the door, a grin on her lips. “I’ll keep Lexa some company.” She stops when she reaches the door, her unseen grin widening. “And have the talk with her.”

“ _Fuck!_ ”

...

“So, hm, Anya let you borrow her car.”

Lexa nods quickly, happy that Clarke broke the weird silence which was feeling the car since Octavia ushered them into it.

“And she didn’t even complain about it, which says a lot about her feelings towards what is happening tonight.”

A small smile appears on Clarke’s, and the jitters start to, slowly, leave her body.

“And what is happening tonight, Lex?”

Lexa glances at Clarke quickly, and the blonde’s smile widens at her cute and slightly unsure expression.

“A date?” She shrugs sheepishly, looking back at the road. “I just hope the places I chose aren’t too much for your hungover self.”

“I’m not hungover.” A small smile takes Lexa’s lips, and Clarke pouts, pinching her side lightly. “Hey, I’m not!”

“Don’t forget I was the one who tucked you under your sheets last night, Griffin.” Clarke smiles at the use of her last name in a teasing way, knowing Lexa is stepping out of her comfort zone to help her to go back to her usual confident self. “I’m pretty sure neither Party Animal Griffin would walk away from last night’s events completely unpunished.”

“Hey, now you’re just being rude.”

“Word on the streets is that you really like to party.”

Clarke scoffs loudly, rolling her eyes.

“So now you’re into rumors, huh? Not very noble of you.” She folds her arms on her chest, turning to Lexa with a defiant expression, barely succeeding in hiding the wide smile which is trying to curl the corners of her lips. “Also, I didn’t know you old people knew expressions that only can be found on Urban Dictionary.”

Lexa shakes her head slowly, her smile not that small anymore.

“I’m majoring in Literature and Letters, Clarke. I know a lot about words.”

“That’s the way you charm the pants off of the ladies, Lexa?”

She glances quickly at Clarke, and her easiness lets Clarke in awe.

“I don’t know, Clarke. Is it?”

Clarke’s eyes widen slightly, but soon she is shaking her head and scoffing at Lexa.

“Feeling confident tonight, are we?”

Lexa shrugs with one shoulder, her eyes still on the road.

“Well, a beautiful girl practically begged me to take her on a date today, so I think I have a couple of motives to feel confident.”

Clarke groans loudly and a huge smile spreads on Lexa’s lips.

“Oh my God, I’m already starting to rethink my decision.”

But she isn’t, not really.

Especially not when Lexa actually giggles and when that adorable tone of pink is coloring her cheeks.

…

“We are going to eat burgers?”

Lexa nods shyly under Clarke’s astonished gaze, her forehead creasing slightly when the blonde just stare at her with a blank expression.

“If you want to. We can go to another –“

The increasing discomfort on Lexa’s expression makes Clarke shake her head quickly and lean forward, reaching for Lexa’s knee and squeezing it lightly.

“Hey, I love the fact we are going to eat burgers. I’m just surprised, that’s all.”

A short breathe leaves Lexa’s lips and she nods, her eyes on Clarke’s.

“You love burgers.”

“But you don’t.”

Lexa shrugs, her eyes flying back to her window.

“But you do.” She shrugs again, her cheeks displaying a light tone of red. “And I don’t exactly hate them. I just happen to think they are unhealthy. Moreover, this place has healthier options, if you’re feeling particularly adventurous tonight.”

Clarke’s grin is wide when she leans forward to peck Lexa’s warm cheek.

“Come on, you cute thing.” She turns to the passenger door, her own cheeks reddening now. “I always need greasy things when I’m hungover.”

“But I thought you weren’t –“

“Lexa!”

…

“Oh my god.” She pokes her tongue out, licking some ketchup from the spot right below her lips. “This shit is so good.”

Lexa smiles widely at her, shaking her head in amusement before bringing a piece of her veggie wrap to her mouth.

“I could tell.” Her smile widens when Clarke glares at her, and she places her fork back on her plate before reaching for her glass of juice. “I’m glad it takes less effort to convince you to drink some juice than to force some water on you.”

Clarke stares sheepishly at her, her own hand flying to her glass of green juice.

“I gave you a hard time last night?”

“To be fair, taking care of a drunken Raven is much easier than handling your intoxicated self.” She places the glass back on the table, smiling at Clarke. “I didn’t even need to ask for her to strip. And I surely didn’t have to beg for her to drink some water to prevent a headache.”

Clarke rolls her eyes, a light blush on her cheeks.

“Of course Raven took off her clothes without even being asked to.” She snorts lowly, shaking her head. “She can’t shut up about how hot you are since the Finn’s incident.”

“Are you jealous, Clarke?”

A small smirk is on Lexa’s lips and Clarke can’t avoid feeling proud if being able to evoke such display of emotion from the restrained brunette.

“No. I know she would never try anything.” She shrugs, somewhat suddenly anxious about the possibility of Lexa wanting Raven to do something. “Unless you want her to, you know. To do something, I mean.”

She lowers her eyes, not noticing the way Lexa’s smirk widens.

“No. I heard that is pretty against the rules making a move in one integrant of a group of friends if you intend to have something with another of them.” Clarke almost chokes on her burger, and Lexa giggles lowly before starting to speak again. “On a side note, you don’t need to bother about your decency. You didn’t take your pants off in front of me.” She lowers her eyes to her meal purposely, cutting a piece of wrap carefully. “Maybe I’ll be luckier next time.”

Another gasp comes from Clarke, and several seconds pass before she is able to speak – rather than squeak.

“Maybe, Woods. If you play your cards right.” She grins when Lexa’s eyes lock with hers, nonchalantly reaching for her sandwich. “You should start stopping to ignore me when something is bothering you.”

She regrets the words as soon as they are out of her mouth, and the way Lexa’s eyes widen and her jaw clenches just make her want to bury her head on her meal and suffocate on grease.

“You’re right. I should stop pushing you away when I’m upset.” She shrugs, looking back at her plate. “It’s an acquired habit and so-“

“Hey.” She reaches for Lexa’s hand, squeezing it. “I’m sorry. It was the dumbest thing to say and –“

“Clarke –“ she turns her hand, interlacing their fingers and giving her hand a reassuring squeeze. “I’m not used to be around of people who care about me and about the things that are bothering me. But I promise I’ll be more open with you. And I also promise not to be jealous when I don’t have the -”

“I know Raven told you Nylah was the one who kissed me last night, Lexa. And I also know I told you that you didn’t have the right to be jealous but –“ she removes her hand from Lexa, bringing it to her glass “- let’s be honest. I’d be jealous if the same happened to you, so, hm. Yeah.”

“I know we already agreed that anxiety isn’t cute but you’re definitely cute when you start to ramble.”

Clarke rolls her eyes, but a small smile appears on her lips.

“Whatever, Lex.” She takes a sip of her juice, purposely avoiding Lexa’s eyes. “But yeah, what I was trying to say it is that nothing is going on between Nylah and I. I thought I had made it clear last night, but apparently she didn’t get the memo so I talked to her after you left the library and now my intentions towards her are loud and clear.”

Lexa nods, swallowing the last piece of wrap. She brings a napkin to her mouth before speaking again.

“She is a beautiful woman.”

Clarke nods too, her smile widening.

“I agree. But she isn’t as pretty as the one I have my eye on.”

Lexa smiles at her, her cheeks displaying a light tone of pink.

“Yeah?”

“Mhm.” Clarke finishes her juice, placing the glass back on the table. “And I’m pretty sure Reyes would agree with me.”

The blush on Lexa’s cheek intensifies and Clarke laughs shortly, lowly.

“Are you, hm, ready to go? I have another place I want to take you to.”

“I’m already looking forward to it.”

…

When Lexa parks in front of an ice cream parlor and glances hesitantly at her right Clarke knows her confidence is almost gone.

She looks at the building quickly before locking eyes with Clarke again, and a short sigh leaves her lips.

“A month ago or so you spent at least twenty minutes of our lunch break ranting about the squareness of the choices offered by the market when it comes to ice cream. I know the weather isn’t great for ice cream now but when I started to search for a place to take you I discovered this parlor and I think you will love it. So here we are, and I hope you don’t hate the whole concept.”

Clarke wants to say she is too overwhelmed by the fact that Lexa did some extensive research about places to take her to think about the fact she just recovered from a cold and shouldn’t be eating ice cream for a while.

She wants to tell Lexa she doesn’t fucking cares if its barely 50 °F outside and they may end the night with purple lips and frozen hands because she can think about a couple of things to warm them up, if it’s the case.

But she knows it wouldn’t bring them any good, because teasing Lexa is gone and honest, contained Lexa may not to know how to deal with crudeness. And to be fair, the inconsistence of her heartbeats is frightening her a little, so she decides to follow Octavia’s advice _(just be your honest, adorable self. It must be more than enough)_ rather than Raven’s _(or sass around until she begs you to introduce her to your talented hands on the backseat of Anya’s car. And then tell me if she sounds hot when she comes. I need to know that)_ , and reaches for Lexa’s hand, giving it a quick squeeze.

“It’s perfect.” She shrugs, placing her hand back on her lap. “I mean, I don’t really know if it’s really perfect because I don’t even know why this parlor is so special and we don’t get to taste the ice cream yet, but it’s perfect.”

Lexa nods once at her, smiling, and then they are exiting the car.

…

“So we will be creating or own ice cream?”

The woman nods at her, smiling widely at Clarke’s obvious excitement.

“Unless you want to order one of our regular sundaes. I promise you they are equally wonderful.”

“No way.” She turns to Lexa, throwing her arms around her neck and hugging her tight. “You found the most amazing place on Earth, Lex.” Lexa blushes widely when Clarke places a quick kiss on her cheek before turning to the table, where a small ice cream maker is. “Can we start, then?”

The woman nods again, handing her a menu.

“Yes. You just need to choose an ice cream base, baked goods to add to the mix and some toppings. I’ll bring them to you and you can start the mess.”

They nod at her before she walks away with a kind smile on her lips, heading to a table near theirs, clearly trying to give them some privacy. They take a seat, each one on one side of the table, and Lexa smiles unsurely at Clarke.

“Are you enjoying this place, then?”

“Are you kidding me?” Clarke’s eyes are shining and she lets them wander around, clearly astonished by the colorful decoration. “I’m loving it. The place is so cool and the idea of making our own ice cream is the best ever.” She leans forward, her hand wrapping Lexa’s. “Seriously Lex, thank you so much for bringing me here.”

Lexa’s smile widens and she nods, pushing the menu towards Clarke with her free hand.

“Let’s just hope the ice cream is as amazing as the decoration.”

Clarke nods, grinning excitedly at her before letting her eyes fly towards the menu.

“Do you think vanilla is a good option for the base?”

Lexa tilts her head, shrugging.

“You like chocolate more.”

“But you’re a vanilla addicted, so vanilla will be.”

“And we could mix it with cookie dough.”

Clarke nods excitedly, pointing at the list of topics.

“With some sort of chocolate and fruit as toppings?”

Lexa nods, leaning forward to read the options more easily, not bothering to remove her hand from Clarke’s.

“Maybe strawberry, chocolate chips and some hot fudge?”

Clarke crunches her nose, staring at a few seconds at the menu before looking back at Lexa.

“Or maybe strawberries, white chocolate hot fudge and colorful sprinkles?”

Lexa laughs lowly, shaking her head.

“Just because they are –“

“Colorful, yeah.” She pouts at Lexa, squeezing her hand again. “Oh, come on Lex. They will make our ice cream so much prettier.”

Lexa shrugs, disentangling their hands and turning to the woman to let her know they are ready to choose.

“I’ll trust you with that.” She signals to the woman before turning back to Clarke, a huge smile on her lips. “You’re the artist here.”

…

Lexa glances at her phone when they are almost arriving at Clarke’s dorm, tucking it into her back pocket before tucking both of her hands on her front pockets. She stops walking when Clarke does the same, staring shyly at her for a few seconds before looking away.

“Thank you for the night, Lex.” She relents when Clarke tugs on her wrist, letting her hold her hand and locking eyes with hers again. “I loved it.”

Lexa nods once, shortly, a shy smile forming on her lips.

“I’m glad you had a good time, Clarke.” She shrugs, looking away one more time. “And I’m also happy we arrived here before Octavia’s curfew.”

“She didn’t.”

Clarke’s wide eyes help Lexa to calm down, even if a little, and her smile is more genuine when she nods.

“She did.” She shrugs again, squeezing Clarke’s hand once. “She is your best friend, I wasn’t expecting anything else from _them_.”

_“Hell yeah, the woman is damn right.”_

Clarke’s eyes go impossible wider when Raven’s muffled voice reaches their eardrums, and Lexa giggles lowly, squeezing her hand again.

“Anyway, I’m going. I have to be at the coffee shop at six tomorrow.” Clarke’s eyes are still on the closed door, and Lexa removes her hand from hers. “Clarke?”

“Hm?” She looks back at Lexa, her tongue poking out of her lips, and nods quickly when she notices the brunette’s weird stare. “Oh, hm, yeah. Sure. We will talk tomorrow, right?”

Lexa nods twice, and takes a deep breath before moving forward, intending to give Clarke a light peck on the lips.

At the same time Clarke tilts her head and leans forward, intending to kiss Lexa’s cheek.

A loud thump echoes when their foreheads collide and Lexa’s eyes are wide when they lean back again, her cheeks painfully red.

They just stare at each other for a few seconds, the redness taking Clarke’s cheeks too, her eyes as wide as Lexa’s.

_“Are you two alive?”_

_“Shut up, O. They may be kissing, you cunt block.”_

_“I’m not listening to any sounds, Raven. They clearly aren’t sucking faces so –“_

“For fuck’s -” Clarke turns to the door, opening it widely “- sake, would you two please shut your damn mouths?”

Octavia and Raven turn to the door, nodding guiltily at Clarke, who is staring at them with a livid expression.

“Raven, Octavia.” Lexa nods at them and her words make Clarke turn to her one more time. “I’ll go now.” She nods once, already stepping backwards and raising her hand in an awkward static wave. “I’ll see you tomorrow.”

A few seconds pass before Clarke steps forward, her voice high pitched.

“Lexa.” But the brunette is already turning the corner of the corridor, and when Clarke closes the door of her dorm behind her she has her hands curled into fists. “I’ll kill you both.”

…

_Hey Lex. Are you already at your room?_

**Just arrived. Safe and sound.**

_I’m sorry I have the weirdest friends ever :(_

**You’re talking with Anya’s best friend, Clarke. No need to worry.**

_I’m also sorry I’m a chicken who have the worst timing ever :((((((_

**You aren’t. You haven’t.**

_I am and I do. I ruined the ending of the perfect date._

**You didn’t, Clarke. I loved our night**.

_I wish I was Max and had the ability to change the fact I tilted my head._

**I don’t think you will ever have the chance to go back in time (nerd) and give our night another ending but I’m willing to write a new one to a new perfect date.**

_So you still want to go out with me again, even if I’m a clumsy chicken who has the worst friends ever._

**Yes, Clarke. I’m willing to go out with you again.**

**You can stop pouting now.**

_HEY, I’M NOT POUTING._

_So, hm, how about this Wednesday, 7pm? I’ll pick you at the coffee shop._

**It’s a date.**

_YAY._

_Anyway, you’re probably very tired and you need to wake up early tomorrow so I’ll let you sleep._

_I just want to say thank you, again, for tonight. It was more than amazing, Lex. <3_

**You’re welcome, Clarke. And thank you for agreeing to go on a date with me.**

**I’m very happy we did it.**

_It was like more C forced you to go out with her, Commander Hot Stuff. B_

_I SWEAR TO GOD I’LL KILL RAVEN TONIGHT._

**Good night, Clarke. Sleep well.**

**(I heard prison isn’t like in OITNB. I’m sure your hot brunette isn’t locked up.)**

_Go sleep, you cocky thing._

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry it tooke me forever to upload this fic.
> 
> I already have the next chapter planned, but I'll probably upload my other fics before posting another update here, so sorry if takes me a while again.
> 
> Hope you're all doing fine, even if this week has been particularly hard to our community. <3


	12. Chapter 12

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The second date happens (and other things do happen too!)

“Shut up, Rae.”

Octavia laughs loudly at Clarke’s pink cheeks, shaking her head amusedly.

“What, Clarkey?” Her smile widens when Clarke cringes at the nickname and she glances at Raven, who is still grinning. “We just didn’t know you were into salads, you know.”

“Yeah, Princess. We are just a little surprised.” Her grin widens, her eyes sparkling. “And a little overwhelmed.”

Octavia nods promptly and Clarke is already uncomfortably shifting on her chair, waiting for their next words.

“Because we’ve been discovering a lot of surprising things you are into, lately.”

“Yeah, like forehead bu-“

“Fuck you.” Clarke’s face is painfully red and Raven and Octavia laugh loudly again, their amusement evident. “It’s been two days, you idiots. The joke is already old.”

“Oh, it isn’t.”

“I have to agree with Rae, Clarke. Especially because your ramble about how devastated you are for screwing your first kiss keeps reminding us about it.”

“Let’s just hope you can control your tendencies to do idiot things tomorrow because I can’t go another two days hearing about how much you want to press your thirsty lips against her pi-“

“Hey.” Three heads snap towards him and soon three pairs of suspicious, surprised – one of them particularly hopeful – wide eyes are locking with his. “Do you mind if I sit with you?” Octavia and Raven glance at Clarke, who shakes her head hesitantly, and Wells nods once, a small smile forming on his lips. “Good.” He pulls one chair, taking a seat on it and dropping his backpack next to its feet. “So, hm, what are you guys planning on eating?”

“Some kind of salad.”

Raven snorts loudly, letting her body relax against her chair but throwing suspicious glances towards Wells.

“Yeah. We well eat a fucking salad because –“ Octavia’s wide eyes lock with her and her own eyes widen a little when the other brunette shakes her head almost imperceptibly “-hm, because -” she scratches the back of her neck, shrugging “-sometimes you need to eat disgusting green things?”

Clarke nods quickly, turning her head to look at the veggie restaurant a few feet from their table, and Octavia places a hand on her shoulder, squeezing it lightly.

“But Clarke will go check the prices before we choose anything because we refuse to spend a ridiculous amount of money on a salad.”

“Yeah.” She narrows her eyes at Octavia, nodding twice when she shrugs guiltily. “I, hm, will.” She stands up, almost dropping her chair. “Be right back.”

Wells nods awkwardly, staring at her back for a few seconds before looking back at his friends, his eyes locking with Raven’s angry ones.

“What are you doing here?”

He sighs deeply, letting his back rest against the chair.

“Lexa.”

Raven’s jaw clenches and she leans forward, her hands curling into fists.

“If you’re back to fight for Clarke’s heart or some crappy like that, please go away.” Octavia places a hand on her wrist, looking pointedly at her, but she ignores her friend’s actions. “She –“

“Chill, Rae. I’m not planning on fighting Lexa for Clarke’s heart.” He sighs, his eyes flying to his fidget fingers. “She talked to me yesterday, at the ending of our class.” Raven’s eyes widen and she sits straight again, her eyes still locked with his. “She told me Clarke has been missing me and that I should, hm, suck whatever is bothering me up and prove that I’m, in fact, one of her best friends.” He shrugs, his eyes deep. “I know I have a lot of apologizing to do, and I don’t expect you to forgive me now, but I figured out I had to start somewhere.”

Raven stares at him for a few more seconds before shrugging.

“Well –“ she glances at Octavia, whose eyes are as wide as hers, shrugging one more time “- it sounds like something Lexa would say, _suck it up_ aside.”

A smile form on Wells lips and he shrugs, his body relaxing.

“She was more polite and eloquent, of course.”

“She is really a good one, right?”

Octavia is staring at him with a huge smile on her lips and he nods without hesitation.

“She is. Clarke is lucky to have her.”

…

_Hey, do you want to go to Raven’s bday party with me?_

**I don’t know.**

_Will you be working on Friday night? :(_

**No. Lincoln and I have the night off.**

  _Why, then? Aren’t you feeling like going to the party? You will break your number one fan’s heart._

**I’ll attend to the party, Clarke.**

_But you said you didn’t know if you were going._

**… with you.**

_YOU’RE AN ASS AND I HATE YOU_

(why don’t u wanna go with me? </3)

**Because you’re too cocky.**

_Am not._

**You’re asking me on a third date before even going on the second one.**

**Cocky.**

_LEXA! Quit playing games with my heart!_

**Your wish is my command, Clarke Carter: yes, I’d love to go to Raven’s party with you.**

_Was that hard, you jackass?_

**No.**

**But it was funny.**

_HEY, WAIT A SEC. Aren’t you with Raven rn?_

**… yes.**

_I should have suspected._

_I hate you both._

**No, you don’t.**

**(See you in a bit!)**

…

“Lex?” Distracted green eyes lock with hers and she arches one eyebrow, her expression somewhat concerned. “Are you okay?”

“I am.”

The answer is too quick and Lexa’s tone is doubtful, and Clarke’s forehead frown gets deeper.

“Are you sure about it? Because you don’t seem like it, y’know.” She shrugs, looking away. “It was something I said? Or did? Or was it Raven?” She sighs deeply, shaking her head. “I know you two becoming friends was a risk-“

“Hey.” She reaches for Clarke’s hand, squeezing it. “I had a great time with Raven today, she is actually quite funny.” She offers Clarke a small, apologetic smile, which isn’t enough to push Clarke’s frown away. “I’m sorry for zoning out, Clarke. It was inconsiderate of me.”

“No, Lexa. It’s okay. It’s just –“ she shrugs one more time, forcing her eyes to stay locked with hers “- if you are tired or feeling awkward we can go out ano-“

“No.” She gives Clarke’s hand another squeeze before interlacing their fingers together. “I really want to go on this date with you. I’ve been looking forward to it.” She brings their interlaced hands to the pocket of her jacket and Clarke smiles at her, Lexa’s honest words helping her to feel more comfortable in her presence. They walk in silence for a few minutes before Lexa takes a deep breath, glancing at Clarke. “Do you remember that time we were still only exchanging messages on Tumblr and I disappeared for a few days?”

“Four days.” Clarke blushes at the words which leave her mouth, nodding ashamedly. “Hm, yeah. I sort of remember.”

Lexa smiles at her before looking at the horizon again, nodding once.

“So you probably _sort of_ remember that I told you I had run into my ex-girlfriend, right?” Clarke nods again, biting the corner of her mouth and unconsciously squeezing Lexa’s hand inside of her pocket, tucking her free hand into her own. “We were together for a while when we met this other girl. My ex quickly became friends with her and soon I noticed that it wasn’t a normal friendship. She spent days and nights babbling about how _cool_ this other girl was, how amazing hanging out with older people were, but she was my first love and _I_ was her first love, so I never thought she would cheat on me.”

A low _fuck_ escapes from Clarke’s lips and a low chuckle leaves Lexa’s, her eyes locking with Clarke’s apologetic ones.

“Yes, _it_ was what they did.” She squeezes Clarke’s hand again, her voice wavering a little. “On our third anniversary I arrived a little early at her house, hoping to surprise her and spend more time with her, because we weren’t seeing each other that much.” She stops for a second, taking a deep breathe, and her next words are lower. “I caught them fucking in the kitchen, against the counter.”

A low gasp leaves Clarke’s lips and she stops, causing Lexa to stop too.

“Lex, I’m so –“

“Why?” She stands in front of Clarke and stepping closer to her to be able to keep their hand into her warm pocket. “You weren’t the one who hurt me, Clarke. I don’t need to feel sorry for it.”

“But I still am. I’m sorry that someone as wonderful as you had to go through it.” She brings one hand to Lexa’s cheek, smiling when she tilts her head into her hand with a sad smile on her lips. She wants to kiss it off of her lips, but her nerves are still getting the best of her and kissing Lexa for the first time right after she poured her heart to her maybe isn’t the right thing to do, so she shrugs, clearing her throat awkwardly. “Also, I wanna see a pic of the bitch. To be able to kick her ass if our patches cross.”

Lexa smiles widely before bringing Clarke’s palm to her mouth and placing a kiss on it before dropping it.

“I would rather keep you out of this drama, Clarke.”

Clarke snorts but shrugs, starting to walk again and dragging Lexa with her.

“Okay, then. But I don’t like the idea of you running into her in the corridors and being all sad.”

“I didn’t run into her today.” Clarke glances at her, one eyebrow arched. “I ran into her girlfriend. And seeing them doesn’t upset me this much, usually. But this time she saw me too and said hurtful things and –“ she shrugs, her voice lowering again “- it was a little triggering.”

“The girl she cheated you with is still her girlfriend and both of them study here?” Lexa nods and Clarke snorts again, louder this time. “Aren’t you lucky, Woods?”

“I really think I am.”

The smile Lexa is offering her and the sincerity on her eyes make her forget about the deep conversation about hurtful, triggering things she was planning to have with her.

So she just smiles back at her, her heart pumping on her chest.

“You know what else you are? Smooth as fuck.”

…

Lexa is attentively reading the book on her hands, her bottom lip sticking out and her green eyes sparkling, and Clarke never felt more proud for putting her energy into something.

She silently thanks all the Gods – and the internet – for discovering this bookstore, even if it costed her a few hours of sleep and it was the cause of those awful black bags under her eyes in the next morning.

A wide smile is on her lips when she walks towards Lexa, bringing her index finger to the back of Lexa’s hand and fully grinning when their eyes lock and a shy smile spreads on Lexa’s lips.

“Hey, the owner told me they already passed their closing time.” She resists the urge to giggle when Lexa’s eyes widen, eying attentively the cover of the book she is putting back on its shelf. “Are you ready to go?”

Lexa nods, her cheeks blushing.

“I am.” She glances apologetically at the men who is standing behind Clarke and smiling at her. “I’m sorry, Sir. I lost track of time.”

“Don’t worry, kid. That happens a lot around here.” He offers them a warm smile, walking with them towards the door. “It was an honor having two amazing young ladies here, I hope you come back sometime.”

Clarke nods promptly, glancing at Lexa before smiling at him.

“We will.”

Lexa nods too, matching Clarke’s smile.

“Thank you for having us, Sir. This place is amazing and your coffee and pastries are delicious.”

His smile brightens and after saying goodbye and wearing their jackets, Clarke and Lexa step outside, quivering because of the cold air.

Lexa is quick in throwing her arm around Clarke’s back, smiling when the blonde allows her to pull her closer.

“Thank you for bringing me here, Clarke.” She squeezes Clarke’s arm once, her smile widening when Clarke lets her head drop on her shoulder. “I’m sorry if it was the most boring date of all the times with all those talks about flowers, stars and literature classics.”

Clarke straightens her head, glancing at Lexa and snorting.

“Are you crazy?” She shakes her head before letting it drop on Lexa’s shoulder again. “I’ll not say it was the best date ever because the ice cream date was amazing. But it was pretty close to that.” She straightens her body again, tugging on Lexa’s arm until she relents and they are holding hands, their arms squeezed between their sides. “I got to spend the entire night with you, talking about amazing things while stuffing my face with delicious unhealthy food. I had the time of my life, Lex.”

“You weren’t bored then?” Clarke rolls her eyes, shaking her head, and Lexa squeezes her hand. “Good.”

Lexa’s tone is still a little doubtful and Clarke stops walking, tugging on her hand and making the girl face her.

“Lex, I’d never be bored near you. You have all of my attention since I discovered your Tumblr and your stories, and after you gave me the honor of knowing _you_ , the wonderful person behind the amazing writer, my fascination only grew. Okay?” Lexa nods at her, blushing, and she smiles back at her, tugging on her hand and already starting to walk again. “Good. Now move your ass because it’s fucking freezing outside.” 

…

She is sure Lexa can feel her heart pumping inside of her chest and that’s the reason she is more quiet and introspective since they approached her building.

Or it has to do with the fact her palms are dripping against Lexa’s, revealing her jitters – and grossing Lexa (who always is clean and smells so good) out.

She isn’t sure the reason for Lexa’s abrupt change of mood, especially because she has been more talkative since she told Clarke about the ex-girlfriend drama, but she is sure it will ruin her plan. Because no way she will be able to gather courage enough to kiss Lexa at her doorstep when she is shitting her pants.

No way.

She is in the middle of a silent pep talk when they arrive at Lexa’s dorm, and she glances anxiously at the brunette, who has her stoic expression on, frantically searching for the right thing to say.

She doesn’t find it, but it’s not like she needs it anyway. Because suddenly Lexa is stepping forward and bringing one hand to her neck and connecting their lips together.

The kiss is tentative at first, just two pair of immobile lips pressed against each other. They part a second later, but neither of them dare to move away, and a split second their lips are meeting again, and this time Clarke is ready, and when Lexa’s lips move against hers she wraps her bottom lip between hers, trapping it and sucking on it tentatively.

The grip Lexa has on her neck tightens and Clarke brings one hand to Lexa’s back, gently pushing her closer, amazed at how well their lips fit.

She is quick to push the thought away, because she is seconds away from smiling into the kiss, but when Lexa’s nose bumps on hers before pressing deliciously against her cheek she has to lean back.

No one would be able to keep kissing while grinning this hard.

Lexa’s eyes are open a second later, and Clarke forces her lips to relax, because they carry a hint of surprise and _hurt_ , and Clarke really doesn’t want her action to be misinterpreted.

So she presses her hand on Lexa’s back again, bringing their bodies closer and their lips together, and then Lexa is sighing against her lips and tangling her fingers on blonde locks and Clarke’s heart is skipping beats.

She doesn’t know how much time they spend like this, making out in the dim light of a corridor, but when she arrives at her dorm her swollen lips are curled into a goofy smile.

It still is on her lips when she closes her eyes and starts to dream of green.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> It took me longer than I expected because life is such a crazy adventure.
> 
> I hope this chapter is worth the wait :)


	13. Chapter 13

_“And her lips? Oh my God, her lips are the dreamiest thing ever.”_

_“They are so soft and pillowy and –“_

Clarke lets out a loud groan, pressing her face harder into her pillow, which causes Octavia and Raven to lose themselves in another fit of laughter.

“Oh, come on, Clarkey. You can’t expect us not to tease you.”

Octavia nod is unseen by Clarke, who is still lying still, her wild mane all over her pillow.

“Rae is right, Princess. Especially when you described her lips –“

“- and the way they moved so perfectly against yours –“

“- so well.”

Octavia and Raven high five each other when another muffled groan is heard, matching grins on their lips. When becomes clear that Clarke isn’t planning on moving Octavia leans forward to poke her ribs, just to have her hand blindly swatted away.

“Ouch. Aren’t you planning on leaving your bed today, Clarkey? It’s a week day, you know. You have things to do.”

“Yeah, such as studying. What is very important for your future, I’ve heard.”

“Oh, shut the fuck up, Rae.” In a split second Clarke is glaring at her best friends with a deep crease between her eyebrows and pouty lips. “A few weeks ago you were trying to convince me I shouldn’t study so much because our semester just started and now –“

“Some time has passed and I changed my mind.” Raven winks at Clarke before standing up, walking towards Octavia’s bed and reaching for her backpack. “Anyway, I’m heading out. I don’t think I can hear more about last night without barfing, and I’d like to keep my breakfast down, thank you very much.” She puts her aviator sunglasses on, already reaching for the doorknob. “See ya later, losers”.

Clarke sighs deeply, her shoulders slumping and her pout growing.

“Don’t be like that, Clarkey.” Octavia taps on her bottom lip twice before standing up, a warm smile on her lips. “She’s just being a little shit, as usual. Teasing you this much is her way to letting you know she’s proud you finally had Lexa pinned against some door.”

“I didn’t have her pinned against some door, O.”

“Huh, details. What matter is you _wanted_ to do it. Anyway, -” she leans forwards to grab her shoes, which are peeking from under her bed “- I need to go to class too. But you can keep rambling adorable about your dreamy date over lunch, if you’d like too.”

A light tone of red spreads over Clarke’s face and she nods once before looking away.

“I may accept your offer.”

\---

“I expected you to be happier today.”

Anya’s voice startles Lexa, who almost drops her notebook from her lap, catching it a second before it’s too late with a low curse. Once it’s secure on her lap one more time she looks at her cousin, who is staring at her with arched eyebrows and a somewhat concerned expression. She shrugs, fighting the impulse to look away.

“I _am_ happy.”

“The darks circles under your eyes beg to differ.” She steps forward, taking a seat on the end of Lexa’s bed, carefully avoiding her duvet covered feet. “Do I need to punch Princess’ face? Becau-“

“No, Anya. No punching need to be done.” She shrugs again, and this time her eyes wander away. “Clarke didn’t do anything bad. I’m just a little overwhelmed. That’s all.”

“Good.” Despite her firm tone, Anya’s eyes soften and she reaches to Lexa’s leg tentatively, squeezing it over the grey duvet. “Do you want to talk about it?”

“I don’t think it will be necessary.” Another shrug, and if Anya didn’t know better, she would swear Lexa’s eyes are glistening when they meet hers again. “It’s just –“ she closes her eyes, letting out a deep breath and leaning her head on the headboard “- we kissed and it made me feel _so much_. And I, I allowed myself to feel it all.” Her eyes are a little wide, uncertain, and Anya nods supportively at her before squeezing her leg one more time. “I’m better at blocking the feelings out than at letting then sink in.”

“I know you are. And the fact you’re throwing yourself way out of your comfort zone makes me so proud Lex. So fucking proud.” Her smiles widen when she notices a shy smile forming on Lexa’s lips and she removes her hand from her leg, standing up. “But if your way of coping with it –“ she nods at the notebook on Lexa’s lap before turning and walking to her bed “- becomes ineffective, don’t hesitate to speak to Clarke. I’m sure she would understand where you come from and at least try to help you to calm down.”

Lexa’s tiny but warm smile is unseen by Anya, as is her nod.

“I will keep that in mind, An. But I’m sure my way of coping will do just fine. At least for now.”

“Are you sure, Lex?”  A mischievous grin is on Anya’s lips when she turns to face her cousin again, one of her eyebrows raised. “I mean, one kiss and you’re already a stuttering mess. I can’t even imagine how you will be able to put words together when you start to become acquainted with other bodily fluids.”

“ANYA.”

Lexa’s expression is totally worth having a pillow hitting her face.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> It's been so long. Too long.  
> But life got in the way and I haven't been able to write in a long time. I thought about leaving this story unfinished, but I like it too much to do that. And writing is kind of my way with dealing with my emotions too, so I decided to give it a try.  
> It's been a year (I think) since I was able to write something good, so my writing is surely a little rusty. And maybe you aren't even interested in this story anymore. So if it's the case, or if I'm TOO rusty, let me know. Otherwise I'll try to write another chapter to publish soon.  
> I know this thing I'm posting today barely can be called a chapter. But if I try to write more I'll start to think too hard and to doubt myself and I'll end not publishing anything. So, yeah, accept this as a continuation of this story and my apology for disappearing for a while.  
> Have a great day/night, everybody!


End file.
